- Jasper Dunlop: Ahhhh! It spit in my eye!
- Captain Man: Ha!
- Charlotte Page: I told you Canadian money upsets people!
- [Captain Man clamps a bracelet on Henry]
- Henry Hart: What's this for?
- Captain Man: It means we're engaged.
- Henry Hart: What?
- Captain Man: Complete this sentence: "I'm sorry, Mother, I didn't mean for my elephant to" blank.
- Henry Hart: Uh, lick Dad.
- Captain Man: I'll show ya "wow." Watch this secret video that was intercepted by my people who intercept secret videos.
- Jasper Dunlop: You guys, could we go over the list for my birthday party?
- Henry Hart: Sure.
- Charlotte Page: No!
- Henry Hart: No.
- Jasper Dunlop: But I invited fifty-two people and nobody's texted me back yet. What does that mean?
- Henry Hart: That people been to your parties before?
- Captain Man: How'd you know he wasn't really an old lady?
- Henry Hart: Uh, 'cause of the tattoo on his neck. I... I saw it on him up in the store. And his boobs are too wobbly.
- Captain Man: True. Go get those under control.
- Captain Man: Henry, you have a sharp eye, good instincts, a nice shirt, and you're brave.
- Henry Hart: Thanks.
- Captain Man: Do you know how to make sandwiches?
- Henry Hart: I do.
- Captain Man: Then you have all the qualities I'm looking for.
- Captain Man: Now, raise your right hand. Spread your fingers. Turn your head and cough.
- Henry Hart: [about to do it] What?
- Captain Man: Ha-ha. Joke. Place your left hand over your right lung and repeat after me: I, Henry Hart...
- Henry Hart: I, Henry Hart...
- Captain Man: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man...
- Henry Hart: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man...
- Captain Man: And to never, ever, ever, tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick.
- Henry Hart: And to never, ever, tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick.
- Captain Man: You left out one ever.
- Henry Hart: Ever.
- Captain Man: It is done.
- Henry Hart: Feels good.
- Charlotte Page: You know, someday, when you guys are cleaning my swimming pool 'cause you failed this algebra test then flunked out of school, I hope you remember this moment - 'cause I will.
- Mrs. Hart: I'm not interrupting.
- Henry Hart: Okay, thanks.
- Mrs. Hart: I just have a question about your underwear.
- [holds up Henry underwear from the laundry basket]
- Henry Hart: Mom!
- Charlotte Page: I'd like to hear the question.
- Jasper Dunlop: What is the issue with Henry's underwear?
- Henry Hart: But, everybody gets old some day - even Captain Man. I can't do this forever.
- Henry Hart: Do what?
- Henry Hart: Protect our town, Swellview, from bad guys, bad things, bad smells...
- Henry Hart: Smells?
- Ray Manchester: [finding Henry in his man cave] Hey, how are you? Cool. Thanks. Great to meet you. I'm doin' good. What's your name?
- Henry Hart: Um, I'm Henry Hart. I'm here about the job.
- Ray Manchester: Age?
- Henry Hart: Thirteen. I'll be fourteen... on my next birthday.
- Ray Manchester: Ahh. So you're aging sequentially. I like that.
- Piper Hart: Mom, Dad, I hate my life, and I'm not okay!
- Mrs. Hart: Not now, honey. Daddy's favorite bridge collapsed.
- Piper Hart: Who cares?
- Mr. Hart: Your daddy cares!
- Piper Hart: But every time I try to watch a video on my phone, it keeps freezing 'cause our stupid Wi-Fi signal only gives me one bar in my room.
- Mr. Hart: Then just wait till the video loads before you watch it.
- Piper Hart: Oh, so we're living like animals now?
- Henry Hart: Uh, why don't you guys go to the zoo?
- Charlotte Page: Why?
- Jasper Dunlop: You know I got banned from the zoo.
- Ray Manchester: While you and I were pulling people out of the river, The Toddler's men stole 5,000 packages of diapers. Can you guess why?
- Henry Hart: Um...
- Ray Manchester: To bombard the diapers with radioactive zenite particles.
- Henry Hart: I would not have guessed that.
- Captain Man: Pardon me. My... man van broke down out there in the street, so i walked into this house and came down to this basement.
- Jasper Dunlop: Holy chunks! You're... you're Captain Man!
- Captain Man: Thank you.
- Jasper Dunlop: You're my hero!
- Captain Man: Of course.
- Captain Man: Kid Danger, get outta here!
- Kid Danger: I'm not leaving without you!
- Captain Man: But that nipple is flashing!
- Ray Manchester: You wanna see what happens when a baby pees into a diaper that's been bombarded with radioactive zenite particles?
- Henry Hart: No.
- Ray Manchester: Watch this.
- Henry Hart: [to himself] Why does he ask me?
- Henry Hart: The Toddler?
- Ray Manchester: He's the one who destroyed the Jandy Bridge yesterday.
- Henry Hart: Why?
- Ray Manchester: To set up phase three of his plan.
- Henry Hart: What's phase three?
- Ray Manchester: It's a phase that comes right after phase two but before phase four - if there is a phase four. But, if there is no phase four, then phase three would be the final phase.
- Jasper Dunlop: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! I got two responses!
- Henry Hart: To what?
- Jasper Dunlop: My birthday party invitation. Two guys said they might come!
- Kid Danger: [holding explosive juice] What do we do with this?
- Captain Man: We give the baby his bottle.
- Kid Danger: Ah. Good call.
- [a conflict arrises between Ray's attack plan on The Toddler and Henry's friend's scheduled birthday party]
- Ray Manchester: It's cool. Uh, you go to Jasper's party. I'll handle The Toddler by myself. Don't worry about it.
- Henry Hart: Are you sure?
- Ray Manchester: Yeah, I've battled The Toddler alone before. Almost killed me, but whatever.
- Henry Hart: But, now I feel all bad.
- Ray Manchester: Nyah-ah-ah, don't feel bad. I'll save the world. You go have a fun time at Jasper's birthday party. Dance. Drink some fruity punch.