The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Desert Bus (2014)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The bus can't go any faster than forty-five miles per hour. I don't know why. Maybe Dennis Hopper has a bomb on it or something.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : This is the most sadistic thing ever! There's no fun factor whatsoever, this makes Big Rigs look like a fucking party. Big Rigs isn't even a game, it has no challenge whatsoever, but here, the challenge comes from trying to stay awake from boredom. For the past 10 years, I've been on a mission to warn the world of shitty games, and in all those years, this one takes the cake. I think I've finally hit the bottom of the barrel! The fact that a game like this could come into existence and that people have played it and suffered through it and even adapted it into an Atari 2600 game means that I failed. I've done everything I can. It's time to retire.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I've heard that every once in a while, a bug will splat on your windshield. I'd be happy just to see that. I'm suffering from so much sensory deprivation that anything to break up the monotony would be amazing. If a bug came and splat on this windshield, that would blow my fucking mind, but I'll never have the patience to get that far, I'll never get a single point.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : There's no pause. You just have to keep driving. I wonder how many people have pissed their pants while playing this. You can't even stop to get something to eat. The manual, and yes there is a manual, says "No, it's not an oversight. Does your life have a pause control?"

  [the Nerd begins to sarcastically laugh and is about to drink a Rolling Rock, but puts it away] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I'm driving.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : What? What? What the fuck? It's stuck, the bus is stuck in the sand. They made the bus veer to the right on purpose. They thought of everything, goddamn you, Penn & Teller. You have to sit here and drive the bus, just like in real life and real life fucking sucks.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I've had so many adventures within these four walls. I need to take the adventure outside! I need to go do something bigger! Something to top everything that I've already done, but how do I do that?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : This is the game: You drive, drive, and drive. There is nothing out there except road and sand. Occasionally, there's a rock or a sign, but that's it. There's no passengers to interact with, no music on the radio, nothing to keep you occupied, the road never turns, there's no other vehicles, there is absolutely nothing. You can open the door with the B button, basically it makes a sound effect. That's a little something you can do to entertain yourself.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I've wanted to see that clue ever since I first played this. I've complained about it. Did uh... Did my... my complaints ring a bell? Did... Did uh... Was... wuh... Has the word of the Nerd been heard? Have I contributed to how we look back at bad games? I've done it! It's not in vain! There is no retirement, the show must go on! I must continue reviewing shitty games because that's what the world needs, but where do I go from here?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Penn and Teller make it clear right before the game starts that the whole point was to make a game that's just like real life.

  Penn Jillette : There are simulators. Games stupefyingly like reality.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I've read in various interviews with Penn that this was in response to all the controversies at the time about all the hyper-violent video games. So, instead of something imaginary and fun, here's the real-life mundane task of driving a fuckin' bus for eight hours!