- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: I have a birthmark on my left butt cheek that's shaped like a scarab. Doesn't make me Cleopatra.
- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: Are you good at your job? I don't know. But I know that you've helped me, and I'm grateful to you for it.
- Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren: If only we had an invisibility cloak. Or an extremely deep and wide belly button.
- Angie Rice: I ruined my miracle by getting thrown in the shu. Which was seriously the worst thing that's ever happened to me, even counting that time I smoked crack thinking it was meth, and then took four shots of Everclear, and ate cat poop.
- Cindy Hayes: Look at me now, I'm a bona fide jailhouse Jew!
- Rabbi Alan Tatelbaum: Sort of. Its not really official without the mikvah, but that was wonderful. Really, Tova. Congratulations.
- Cindy Hayes: Hold up... the mik-what?
- Shelly Ginsberg: Oh, it's like, um... Like a baptism, but without all the touching. You soak in a pool and you clean off all that Christian filth that you've been carrying around.
- Shelly Ginsberg: Maybe it'll rain, okay? There'll be a sinkhole or something, and we'll make it official then. In the meantime, you are Jew-ish.