- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: [scoffing at Piper] I worked with the Russian mafia. We make the Italians look like guppies.
- Joe Caputo: A frog?
- Angie Rice: We named him Benny, but then he suffocated and died.
- Joe Caputo: That's what happens in prison.
- Sam Healy: [Referring to the hand-written manuscript in his hand] This is some sick stuff, Warren.
- Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren: Look, a writer does not search out a muse. A muse appears. And when that muse wears uniform pants that fit in - all - the - right - places, it writes its-...
- Sam Healy: Okay!
- Berdie Rogers: I've worked with a lot of kids in the foster system. She's functioning like a six-year-old. A perverted six-year-old... but a six-year-old.
- Berdie Rogers: I can't quite pin down whether you're a misogynist, or a racist, or a winning combination of the two.
- Sam Healy: You foster inappropriate relationships. You walk around here like you own the place. You come in here every week with a different hair style. And your class is a festering incubator of deviance!
- Berdie Rogers: You're a vengeful little man, aren't you?
- Leanne Taylor: Look at her with her perfect teeth and her shiny skin and her Pocahontas hair, thinking she's better than us.
- Brook Soso: I can't help it if I have Pocahontas hair, and it's not my fault you chose meth over teeth!
- Joe Caputo: Did it not occur to you that we'd come after you?
- Angie Rice: I don't know. I kept a pet frog in the laundry for eight months and no one ever noticed.
- [all the other COs are singing "Do You Hear The People Sing"]
- CO Ford: Black people don't know this song.
- Sam Healy: Which one are you?
- CO Donaldson: I'm Space Admiral Rodcocker.
- Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren: Yeah. It was originally Donaldschlong. I think I might have made a mistake by changing it.
- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: Is this about your little panty business?
- Piper Chapman: How do you know about that?
- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: You recruited my whole family. They're all running the track in pink bikinis. First, you don't ask me to wear them, and now you undervalue my criminal mastermind. You know what? You really need to go fuck yourself.
- 1992 Veteran CO: There's lots of fighting over the channels, so each group gets their time. Rosa here knows the drill.
- 1992 Miss Rosa: The whites got the mornings til ten. Then the blacks and the Spanish take over at lunch. Keeps rotating like that. But me? I watch what I want, when I want to.
- Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren: Vee treated me like a person. Everyone else thinks I'm a joke. And she loved me. People need love.
- Danny Pearson: Maybe it's time you stopped worrying about everyone else, and did something for you. That's what everybody else in America does.