Conan O'Brien: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Conan O'Brien : Earlier today, very exciting, the MacArthur Foundation gave out so-called "genius grants" to 25 American scientists, authors, and artists. This is a huge honor. The MacArthur fellowship winners get $100,000 a year for the next five years with no strings attached. It's pretty cool. Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm very proud to say, one of the winners this year is our trombonist, La Bamba.

  [audience applause] 

  Conan O'Brien : Congratulations, La Bamba, what did you win for?

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : The committee recognized me for my spot-on portrayal of a mildly confused, slightly dim-witted, line-flubbing trombonist with no comic timing.

  Conan O'Brien : Okay, so all this that you've been doing on the show all these years has just been an act?

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : Conan! I have an M.F.A. from Yale Drama School. And I'm an undergrad- I double...

  [chuckles] 

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : major... and biocoular-

  [cracks up] 

  Conan O'Brien : No, La Bamba!

  [to audience] 

  Conan O'Brien : No, please! The man's speaking from his heart! La Bamba, continue. An undergrad- what is it? "I double majored in" what?

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : I'm an undergrad, I doub...

  Conan O'Brien : [laughs]  You don't have to back up the whole way. An undergrad in what, La Bamba?

  [La Bamba laughs] 

  Conan O'Brien : What's going on? What happened?

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : I double majored in molecular biology and Asian studies. I'm highly educated, articulate, and an...

  [struggling to read cue card] 

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : Erred, erredudite polyglot.

  Conan O'Brien : [gets up from desk and takes the cue card]  "Erudite polyglot"!

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : Erudite polyglot.

  Conan O'Brien : Yeah.

  [goes back to his desk] 

  Conan O'Brien : Where were we? Oh yeah. So La Bamba, could you give us an example of that?

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : Uh, sorry, Conan.

  [opens his mouth widely before speaking the next line, causing Conan to chuckle off-camera] 

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : If I break character, I could lose my genius grant, y'know.

  [holds up his fingers in a Chinese Finger Trap] 

  Richie 'La Bamba' Rosenberg : Help me. Help me, please!

  Conan O'Brien : [stares at La Bamba with a fascinated look; La Bamba cracks up again]  You just had a complete meltdown on national television.

  [audience cheers] 

  Conan O'Brien : If anyone at home watching understands what just happened, please, call into the show and explain it to me, or write us a letter.