Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

John Mulaney: Jack Horner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ethical Bug : That was horrible! Your wish is horrible! *You're* horrible! You're an irredeemable monster!

  Jack Horner : [mockingly]  Wha-wha! What took you so long, IDIOT?

  [Jack flicks the Ethical Bug off his shoulder] 

  Jack Horner : [sighs in annoyance before turning to the last surviving member of the Baker's Dozen]  You're not chatty, are you?

• [last words] 

  Jack Horner : [trapped in the wishing star]  What did I do to deserve this? I mean, what specifically...?

• Ethical Bug : You're not gonna shoot a puppy, are you, Jack?

  Jack Horner : Yeah, in the face, why?

• Jack Horner : I'll get you, my kitties, and your little dog too.

• Baby Bear : 'Ey, I'm gonna bust you up, plum-thumb! And then I'm gonna wear your clothes!

  Jack Horner : That was weird.

• Jack Horner : Don't you know I'm Dead Inside?

• Goldilocks : Give us the map, or else the baker man gets it!

  Jack Horner : I don't even have the map, Little Bo Creep.

  [Goldilocks throws the man at Jack] 

  Jack Horner : Stop throwing my men at me!

• [Puss is at the Wishing Star, preparing to make his wish] 

  Puss in Boots : Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish...

  Kitty Softpaws : I can't believe I fell for it again.

  Puss in Boots : Kitty, you don't understand.

  Kitty Softpaws : Don't understand what? That you've been playing me this whole time?

  Puss in Boots : I need this wish.

  Kitty Softpaws : Oh, yeah? You wanna know what *my* wish was? Someone, *anyone* I could trust.

  [Kitty swipes the map from Puss and points her Gatito Blade at him] 

  Puss in Boots : Hey!

  Kitty Softpaws : In my whole life, I've never had that, but I thought I finally found that someone, without a wish. I thought it was you, but you're still running, still the same old Puss in Boots.

  Puss in Boots : But I am not, I am not Puss in Boots. I am.. I am on my last life. I need to get my lives back. Without them, I am not... I am *not*...

  Kitty Softpaws : What? The legend?

  [chuckles sadly] 

  Kitty Softpaws : I still can't compete with your one true love. Go on. Get your lives back.

  [Puss gasps as he grabs the map] 

  Kitty Softpaws : Just keep them out of mine.

  Perrito : [whimpers] 

  Puss in Boots : kitty! Death Is After Me!

  Kitty Softpaws : [confused]  What?

  Jack Horner : I've been called a lot of things... but never Death. I like it. That's *my* wish!

  Mama Bear : Oi! That's Goldi's wish!

  [Goldi, Papa Bear and Baby Bear arrive at the Star, as the final battle initiates] 

• Ethical Bug : [after the Baker's Dozen fall into the ravine]  Sweet mother of goose, Jack!

  Jack Horner : Well, you know what they say. Can't bake a pie without losing a dozen men.

• Kitty Softpaws : Nice granny bag, Little Jack.

  Jack Horner : It's not granny bag! It is a magic nanny bag.

• Jack Horner : Kitty Softpaws. My, you have a lot of nerve coming back here.

  Kitty Softpaws : Please. I was the best thief you ever hired.

  Jack Horner : You robbed me!

• Jack Horner : Now, about your payment.

  Jan Serpent : Hold up. You promised us our weight in gold.

  Jack Horner : I did, didn't I? Ever hear of the Midas Touch?

  Jo Serpent : Ah, cool, dibs!

  [she grabs the Midas Touch and begins to turn into solid gold] 

  Jo Serpent : Oh, no. I misjudged the situation!

• Jack Horner : I hate talking fairy tale animals.