Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)
Harvey Guillén: Perrito
Photos
Quotes
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Baby Bear : Oy, you shut up you little mutt, or I'll cut you from pooper to snooter!
Perrito : [gasps in excitement] I'm in the mix now! Okay, okay, here we go! You're all a bunch of... knuckle-dragging, honey-scrounging, grump-
[bleeped]
Perrito : , oafish-
[bleeped]
Perrito : ,
[bleeped]
Perrito : -munching, mangy
[bleeped]
Perrito : , nugget
[bleeped]
Perrito : , and YOUR snooter!
[bursts out laughing]
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Perrito : I'm Puss's best friend!
Puss in Boots : No, he isn't!
Perrito : And his therapy dog.
Puss in Boots : Definitely not!
Kitty Softpaws : Finally! You need therapy!
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Perrito : Okay, Kitty, I think I've got it now.
[tries to do cute eyes, but starts bulging his eye]
Perrito : Trust me!
Kitty Softpaws : Easy, easy. You're gonna give yourself a hernia. Here, one more time. Like this.
[shows cute eyes]
Kitty Softpaws : Trust me.
Perrito : Aw. But of course I trust you and Puss, even without the eyes.
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Puss in Boots : What could they possibly want to offer Puss in Boots?
Perrito : What's a Puss in Boots?
Puss in Boots : Seriously?
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Perrito : Wanna rub my belly?
Puss in Boots : What-what's happening?
Perrito : Rub!
Puss in Boots : Hard pass.
Perrito : Come on, rub! I need the practice. I'm gonna be a therapy dog someday.
Puss in Boots : What the hell are you talking about?
Perrito : I'm glad you asked. When people feel bad, they can rub my belly. It'll make 'em feel better.
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Puss in Boots : Okay, just get in and get out. Easy peasy.
Perrito : [appears next to Puss] Lemon squeezy!
Puss in Boots : Aah! What are you doing here?
Perrito : I brought you a sword.
Puss in Boots : That's not a sword, that's a stick!
Perrito : It's a stick sword!
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Puss in Boots : [Perrito's tail keeps thumping him] Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here. I mean, meow. Whatever.
Perrito : Oh, sorry.
[gasps excitedly]
Perrito : You're a talking cat. *I'm* a talking cat. Let's talk!
Puss in Boots : [sighs] I'd rather eat.
Perrito : Oh, not a problem. We can eat and talk at the same time.
Puss in Boots : No hablo English.
Perrito : [in Spanish] You speak Spanish? Me too! Where are you from? Do you like naps?
Puss in Boots : I don't speak Spanish either.
Perrito : [laughs] You're funny.
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Perrito : What's going on with you, Puss?
Puss in Boots : I... I am down to my last life, and uh, I... I am afraid.
Perrito : Well... it's okay to be afraid.
Puss in Boots : No, not for Puss in Boots. I-I'm supposed to be a fearless hero, a legend. But... without lives to spare, I am... nothing.
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Perrito : I'm supposed to be a fearless hero; a legend, but without lives to spare, I am... nothing. I need that wish to get my lives back.
Perrito : You should tell Kitty. She would understan...
Puss in Boots : No, no, no, no. She cannot hear of this.
Perrito : [confused] Okay?
Kitty Softpaws : [grunts in anger] ¿Adónde fueron ese idiota y su perro?
Puss in Boots : Kitty will never trust me again; not after Santa Coloma.
Perrito : But that's just one bad heist.
Puss in Boots : Santa Coloma wasn't a heist, Perrito. It was a church, with a priest, and guests... and Kitty. Everything but me. I ran away, then, too.
Perrito : Oh...
[begins to understand]
Perrito : Oh.
[gasps in realization]
Perrito : OH!
[whispers]
Perrito : You left her at the altar?
Puss in Boots : It was wrong, I know. I am ashamed. I just wish I hadn't hurt her so badly. I regret that day.
Perrito : So... maybe you should tell that to Kitty. Might make her feel better. Might make you feel better, too.
Kitty Softpaws : [calling out] Puss? Dog? Oh, there you are.
-
[Puss is at the Wishing Star, preparing to make his wish]
Puss in Boots : Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish...
Kitty Softpaws : I can't believe I fell for it again.
Puss in Boots : Kitty, you don't understand.
Kitty Softpaws : Don't understand what? That you've been playing me this whole time?
Puss in Boots : I need this wish.
Kitty Softpaws : Oh, yeah? You wanna know what *my* wish was? Someone, *anyone* I could trust.
[Kitty swipes the map from Puss and points her Gatito Blade at him]
Puss in Boots : Hey!
Kitty Softpaws : In my whole life, I've never had that, but I thought I finally found that someone, without a wish. I thought it was you, but you're still running, still the same old Puss in Boots.
Puss in Boots : But I am not, I am not Puss in Boots. I am.. I am on my last life. I need to get my lives back. Without them, I am not... I am *not*...
Kitty Softpaws : What? The legend?
[chuckles sadly]
Kitty Softpaws : I still can't compete with your one true love. Go on. Get your lives back.
[Puss gasps as he grabs the map]
Kitty Softpaws : Just keep them out of mine.
Perrito : [whimpers]
Puss in Boots : kitty! Death Is After Me!
Kitty Softpaws : [confused] What?
Jack Horner : I've been called a lot of things... but never Death. I like it. That's *my* wish!
Mama Bear : Oi! That's Goldi's wish!
[Goldi, Papa Bear and Baby Bear arrive at the Star, as the final battle initiates]
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Kitty Softpaws : Why are you so ridiculous, dog? What's your story?
Perrito : My story? Oh, it's actually a very funny story.
[laughs]
Perrito : Back when I was a pup, me and my litter mates lived with a family. A family full of pranksters who liked to play hide-and-seek, and I was always "it". Pick on the little guy, am I right?
Perrito : They tried putting me in a packing crate, a dumpster. No matter how hard they tried, I'd always find them. So one day, they get creative and they put me in a sock with a rock in it.
[laughs]
Perrito : And then throw me in a river!
[falls over laughing]
Perrito : I gnawed a hole in the sock and I swam to the surface.
[Puss and Kitty look horrified]
Perrito : Never found them or my litter mates, so I guess I'm still "it"!
[laughs]
Kitty Softpaws : Wow, that is the saddest funny story I've ever heard.
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Kitty Softpaws : What's your name?
Perrito : Oh, I've been called all kinds of things. Dog. Bad Dog. Stupid Dog. Hey You! You There! Get Out! Leave It! Drop It! Big Rat. Small Pig. Rat Face. Butt Nugget.
[beep]
Perrito : For Brains. You know, that sort of thing.
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Perrito : I live under the porch. It can get a little lonely down there. It's mostly controlled by the rats and the centipedes, but I have my own little corner.
Puss in Boots : Congratulations.
Perrito : I just come up here for the food and the friends!
[a cat growls and hisses at Perrito]
Perrito : Most-mostly the food.
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Kitty Softpaws : What's your deal, anyway? You run with the Chihuahua Gang?
Perrito : I don't think so.
Kitty Softpaws : I don't believe you.
Perrito : That's okay. As long as you believe in yourself.
Kitty Softpaws : Wha..is he deranged?
Puss in Boots : Yep.
-
Kitty Softpaws : You know what trust gets you? A sock, a rock and a swim in the river.
Perrito : You have to trust somebody, right?
Kitty Softpaws : Not me. Uh-uh. Whenever I've let my guard down, I've been double-crossed, declawed, played and betrayed. Never again. I am a solo act. I keep my secrets and I play my cards close. That's how you get a winning hand. Take it from me; never trust anyone.
