Community (TV Series)

Modern Espionage (2015)

Jim Rash: Dean Pelton

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dean Pelton : [to Lapari]  Did you do stand up? Is that how you became a custodian? Listen, man, I was there in the 90s. I did a few open mic nights. I saw what karaoke did. It wasn't cool, man.

• Dean Pelton : Greendale's custodial staff is running the underground paintball tournament probably with City College money. The people that clean Greendale don't want a cleaner Greendale, they want Greendale to be afraid of itself and reliant on them.

  Custodian Lapari : Oh, what an exciting story. We're got a real life M Night Shamalyan here.

  Abed Nadir : [Off camera]  It's Shyamalan.

  Custodian Lapari : Unfortunately, as with his stories I don't anticipate yours holding up.

  Abed Nadir : [Off camera]  Easy target.

  Custodian Lapari : Who's heckling me?

  [Abed raises his hand] 

  Custodian Lapari : Oh, of course, it's the Indian guy.

  Abed Nadir : I'm Arabic.

  Custodian Lapari : Ow, okay, let's go with that.

• Jeff Winger : All right, so we lay low, and we try to find out who Silverballs is.

  Annie Edison : But we're not... To be clear, we did not vote on that name.

  Dean Pelton : Here's a name you don't have to vote on. You just became the Secret Dean Force. The Dean Boys. Task Force Dean. His Dean's Secret People. I know the word "Dean" is in it.

• Dean Pelton : He's right, Jeffrey. A cleaner Greendale? That's like a healthier cigarette!

  Jeff Winger : Yes, a carrot stick. Frankie can make us a carrot stick.

  Dean Pelton : We're tobacco.

  Jeff Winger : No, we are not tobacco. We are Robert Downey Jr. He was so high he was crawling into people's windows. Now he's Iron Man. We self-destruct like this because we'd rather be heroes and villains than just kind of sucky people that need to work a lot at getting less sucky. She will forgive us. I know her, I like her, and if she fires either of you, I'll quit. She's not the enemy, she can help us. We just have to cool it.