- Tina Belcher: Maybe Mom and Dad would sponsor a go-kart if it was advertising for the restaurant.
- Louise Belcher: They can't even sponsor their electric bill.
- Tina Belcher: Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting 'cause our hair will be like this.
- Louise Belcher: And our faces will be like this!
- Gene Belcher: And our penises will be like this. You can't see what I'm doing, but it's pretty great.
- Hugo: So yeasty.
- Bob Belcher: Okay, you need to stop saying that word. It's making me uncomfortable.
- Hugo: Oh, really? Yeasty, yeasty, yeasty.
- Sasha: [to Tina] You'd be doing us a big favor if you drove the K.I.S. kart today.
- Tina Belcher: Kiss?
- Sasha: No. K.I.S. It stands for Kingshead Island Speeders.
- Tina Belcher: Can I call it "kiss"?
- Sasha: No.
- Louise Belcher: Tina, can you pass me a napkin? And try not to betray it.
- Tina Belcher: Louise, please pass the pepper and try not to crash it into the salt.
- Louise Belcher: Why don't you try to remember where that pepper came from? From here, from this apartment, from this family.
- Gene Belcher: So that's where pepper comes from.
- Teddy: Bob! Bob!
- Bob Belcher: What... what? What?
- Teddy: You should sell my beer! We could be partners!
- Bob Belcher: What? Teddy, I... I don't think restaurants are allowed to sell home-brewed beer.
- Teddy: Aw, who's gonna care?
- Bob Belcher: The health inspector, the Bureau of Alcohol, the police...
- Linda Belcher: So we won't get caught. We'll run it like a speakeasy. I'll be like Al Capone with breasts.
- Bryce: I'll be winning the Kingshead Island Grand Prix when you're still figuring out which pedal is the gas and which is the brake. And the big round thing in the middle that steers it? That's your mom. Burn.
- Louise Belcher: Oh, that fart with a mouth? That's your face!
- Linda Belcher: Oh, God! Bobby, the G-men are here! Turn the whole room around like they do in the movies!
- Hugo: You know, the only thing worse than an idiot who makes bacteria-infested home brew is a restaurant that serves it.
- Bob Belcher: Well, Hugo, there's no home brew here, so are we done with the inspection?
- Hugo: I suppose. But know this, Bob, if I find out you are selling bacteria beer, you're going to get the triple smack-down. Smack one: I shut you down. Smack two: beer and wine license? Gone. Smack three? Tell 'em, Ron.
- Ron: Uh...
- Hugo: You rot in hell, Bob!
- Sasha: [to Tina] Want to take a little walk and talk? I have a proposition for you.
- Tina Belcher: I'm taken. Well, it's complicated.
- Sasha: Honey, if I was hitting on you, you'd know because you'd be terrified.
- Tina Belcher: Trust me. You're hitting on me.
- Louise Belcher: [to Tina when she decides to race for the Kingshead Island Speeders] How can you do that to us? You're like a Belcherdict-Arnold!
- Tina Belcher: I was Team Belcher's best driver, but you didn't care if we won as long as you got to be the driver.
- Louise Belcher: That's crazy. You're crazy. Get out of that jumpsuit, get your water bottle and get back in the pit.
- Tina Belcher: I'm never going back to the pit unless the pit is a cool diner where teens hang out.
- Gretchen: Hey, Bob, that bun doesn't look like this bun, Bob. You trying to screw me? I want the fresh-baked buns. I want the fresh-baked buns.
- Hugo: Look, Bob, we both know you're slinging homebrew and if my supervisor wasn't saying, "I'm going to fire you if you waste any more time on that case," I'd nail you for it.