Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

Sabotage (2015)

Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jake Peralta : I know technically I'm not supposed to help out, but rules are made to be broken.

  Amy Santiago : They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

  Jake Peralta : Uh, piñatas.

  Rosa Diaz : Glow sticks.

  Jake Peralta : Karate boards.

  Rosa Diaz : Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

  Jake Peralta : Rules.

• Geoffrey Hoytsman : You never should have arrested me.

  Jake Peralta : But I basically got your cocaine charges dropped. You only had to do 40 hours of community service.

  Geoffrey Hoytsman : Right, but I wanted to get them all done at once, so for energy, I did way too much cocaine and meth. Went on a prolonged psychotic episode involving assault, public fornication, and, apparently, the touching of my scrotum to every doorknob in a synagogue.

• Jake Peralta : I can prove that I filled up my tank, all right? I even have a receipt, because I keep all my receipts like a mature adult person.

  [Pulls out a pocket-full] 

  Jake Peralta : Laser tag, wheelie shoes, remote control monster truck...

• Raymond Holt : I'm gonna need you to hand in your badge and gun.

  Jake Peralta : All right, fine, you can have my badge and gun, but we're doing it in your office so I can slam them down on your desk and yell out, "The system stinks!"

  Raymond Holt : Actually, the procedure is to bring your gun and badge down to the equipment room on the second floor, fill out form 452-underscore-J, hand said form in to the inventory clerk, and then receive a claim check through interoffice mail.

  Jake Peralta : The system stinks!

• Jake Peralta : People are gonna notice if I disappear.

  [His phone beeps] 

  Jake Peralta : See? Someone's already looking for me. You're in big trouble, buddy.

  Geoffrey Hoytsman : [Reads]  Your e-coupon for Big Mike's Calzones expires today.

  Jake Peralta : You're damn right. And if I don't redeem that, Big Mike is gonna get real suspicious.