- Lucas Friar: You got a bike that goes with that outfit?
- Harper Burgess: 1800 cc twin cam fat Bob fuel tank wide glide. What do you ride?
- Riley Matthews: He rode a sheep.
- Maya Hart: 62 pound quad hoof white fleece, kind you count before you fall asleep, baah-baah.
- Harper Burgess: [to Lucas] Wanna race?
- Lucas Friar: No.
- Riley Matthews: Hi!
- Mr. Turner: Hi.
- Riley Matthews: We love Harper. Do you understand, Uncle Jon?
- Principal Yancy: Real uncle, or you just call him that?
- Riley Matthews: He comes over like a million times...
- [turns to Turner]
- Principal Yancy: I withdraw my complaint.
- Maya Hart: Where's Garaboski?
- Lucas Friar: Uh oh.
- Riley Matthews: Did we do it?
- Farkle Minkus: Did we finally break him?
- [Cory walks in]
- Cory Matthews: You broke him!
- [class cheers]
- Cory Matthews: Quiet! Mr. Garaboski retired yesterday.
- [class cheers again]
- Cory Matthews: Quiet! The guy survives Vietnam *and* *Mrs.* Garaboski, and he can't get past you. Now, he left a letter here that expressed his feelings. "Dear you little"- okay, I can't read this.
- Lucas Friar: He always talked about the good old days, before 1985.
- Riley Matthews: What happened in 1985?
- Farkle Minkus: That was the year the New York Board of Education said you couldn't hit a kid with a ruler.
- Topanga Matthews: Girls, slow down! What is the rush?
- Maya Hart: Dinner is keeping us from our homework.
- Riley Matthews: The new English teacher wants us to read this.
- Topanga Matthews: This looks like a comic book.
- Cory Matthews: Yes!
- Topanga Matthews: Didn't we have a teacher who taught us...
- Cory Matthews: Yes!
- Topanga Matthews: Tell me more about this new English teacher.
- Riley Matthews: Motorcycle.
- Maya Hart: Leather jacket.
- Topanga Matthews: Sounds familiar...
- [turns to Cory]
- Topanga Matthews: Weren't you on the committee to hire the new English teacher?
- Cory Matthews: Yes!
- Topanga Matthews: Not all history repeats itself, Cory.
- Riley Matthews: Why, what happened to you guys?
- Topanga Matthews: Well, we had a pretty cool teacher once.
- Riley Matthews: Feenay!
- Topanga Matthews: No, we actually had *one* other teacher.
- Maya Hart: Did that teacher get along with the principal?
- Topanga Matthews: Feeny was the principal.
- Auggie Matthews: Feeny taught you every year and was also your principal?
- Cory Matthews: Yes!
- Auggie Matthews: That would never happen today!
- Cory Matthews: We'll see!
- Mr. Turner: Now, may I see what you've learned? Because that's what means everything.
- Farkle Minkus: Farkle goes first! Farkle always goes first!
- Mr. Turner: [to Cory] Stuart Minkus' kid?
- Cory Matthews: Yeah.
- Mr. Turner: Super genius?
- Cory Matthews: Outer space.
- Mr. Turner: Real human boy?
- Cory Matthews: We're not sure yet.
- Mr. Turner: You know, Matthews, I know it was you who chose Harper for these kids. Is that because she reminded you of someone?
- Cory Matthews: No.
- Mr. Turner: Okay.
- Lucas Friar: I'll make the presentation.
- Mr. Turner: You like this teacher?
- Lucas Friar: I like both of these teachers.
- Mr. Turner: Are you familiar with the material?
- Lucas Friar: [walks towards the front of the class] Me? No, I've... I never saw this thing before, I never saw this thing in my life... yeah, I read it, I read it actually a-a lot.
- [goes back to his seat]
- Mr. Turner: Thanks for telling the truth.
- Lucas Friar: Yeah, I can't help myself.
- Maya Hart: Riley, stop me right now.
- Riley Matthews: From what?
- Maya Hart: I can't like a teacher, I'm Maya.
- Riley Matthews: It's a good day, Maya. School got better, and now nothing bad is ever going to happen again.
- [Principal Yancy walks in]
- Principal Yancy: Ah! I'm passing by your classroom on this, your very first day, and I can't help noticing that somebody has a comic book. That everybody has a comic book.
- Farkle Minkus: They're graphic novels.
- Principal Yancy: Pipe down, Farkle.
- Farkle Minkus: I think Harper's trying to teach us something important.
- Principal Yancy: Oh, *Harper* is, hm? Well, she's not. It isn't literature, it's comic books, which are against school policy, Ms. Burgess. And so is calling Ms. Burgess by her first name! You will gather these up, and you will teach something important.
- [sees a book]
- Principal Yancy: "To Kill a Mockingbird"? Are you familiar with this?
- Harper Burgess: I know this book.
- Principal Yancy: Then teach it, Ms. Burgess.
- [exits classroom]
- Harper Burgess: So... "The Dark Knight Returns"!
- Riley Matthews: You know what else is cool? Uncle Jon used to take care of Shawn when he was younger.
- Maya Hart: Ya don't say?
- Riley Matthews: I do say. And my dad said that they were really good for each other.
- Auggie Matthews: Okay Riley, I finished this Archie comic you gave me.
- Riley Matthews: I wanted to start him on the road to good books.
- Maya Hart: What'd you learn from it, Auggs?
- Auggie Matthews: Well, this dark haired girl and this blond girl both like the same boy and they all stay best friends. Could that really happen?
- Riley Matthews: ...Nah.
- Maya Hart: ...Okay.
- Topanga Matthews: You gave me an A-minus once.
- Cory Matthews: Topanga...
- Topanga Matthews: I want you to change it!
- Mr. Turner: ...Okay.
- Principal Yancy: So, I've learned, it's more difficult to get rid of two rabblerousers than I thought. Too bad for you, I've got a great relationship with the superintendent of schools. *chuckles* How's your relationship, Matthews?
- [Jonathan Turner enters the room]
- Mr. Turner: Okay, so why do I have to do anything?
- Cory Matthews: Mr. Turner and I go back a bit.
- Mr. Turner: So, I hear you wanna dismiss a couple of educators, Yancy?
- Principal Yancy: She's here one day, and she's teaching comic books!
- Mr. Turner: Yeah? My first day I taught the X-Men.
- Principal Yancy: [laughs] Th-that's funny!
- [realizes Turner is serious]
- Principal Yancy: Oh no!
- Mr. Turner: Now, why would I do that, I wonder? Matthews?
- Cory Matthews: Well, you took characters we already loved to show us that good and evil wasn't so black and white.
- Mr. Turner: How come?
- Cory Matthews: So we'd understand it better when you taught us real books!
- Mr. Turner: Cory, you were listening!
- Cory Matthews: How could I not? I mean, you wore a leather jacket to work everyday. You taught comic books, and you rode to work on a motorcycle.
- Mr. Turner: Right up to the day the bike and I both got totaled. But, things happen for a reason. I married my nurse.
- Principal Yancy: Awww. You fell in love with her?
- Mr. Turner: Nah, in case it ever happens again.
- Mr. Turner: [to Cory] There's a pretty cool bike parked next to your *sensible sedan* What, did you buy it from Feeny?
- Cory Matthews: Well, it only had 4 miles on it. The roll up windows are a real work out!
- Mr. Turner: Hey, Burgess. You be careful on that bike, okay?
- Harper Burgess: Thank you, sir.
- Auggie Matthews: He was one of your teachers, Mommy?
- Topanga Matthews: Yeah. Mr. Turner helped me learn everything I know.
- Auggie Matthews: She knows everything.
- Mr. Turner: I know.
- Auggie Matthews: Was my daddy a good student?
- Mr. Turner: He was a wonderful student.
- Topanga Matthews: Why would you lie to my kid?
- Mr. Turner: He tried his best.
- Topanga Matthews: Why would you lie to my kid?
- Mr. Turner: He was so bad, he became a teacher so he could go back to school again.
- Maya Hart: So... word has it, you took care of Shawn Hunter?
- Mr. Turner: Yeah, I did. His dad was a little off and on. No kid should have that.
- Maya Hart: Yeah... Did you care about him, though? I mean, you weren't his real father.
- Mr. Turner: No, I wasn't.
- Maya Hart: But was it possible for you to...
- Cory Matthews: Yes, Maya. I loved him like a son. I still do.
- Maya Hart: That's good.
- Riley Matthews: Dad?
- Cory Matthews: Yeah?
- Riley Matthews: Thank you for being a good teacher.
- Maya Hart: Yeah, thanks.
- Cory Matthews: Boy, there's nothing better than hearing that from your students.
- [Topanga looks at Cory and then at Turner]
- Cory Matthews: Mr. Turner...
- Topanga Matthews: Thank you for being a good teacher.
- Cory Matthews: Yeah, thanks.
- Topanga Matthews: How was everybody's day today?
- Auggie Matthews: It was a good day, and then my friends treated me nicely, and then my teacher measured me, and I'm growing, and then Jenny Lewis loooves me.
- Topanga Matthews: Wait a minute! This already happened.
- Auggie Matthews: Yeah, I'm out of stuff.
- Cory Matthews: He's right! Nothing new happened at all!
- Riley Matthews: Dad got fired today.
- Cory Matthews: W-well, there's that... You know how you thought there might be trouble between Yancy and the new teacher?
- Topanga Matthews: The young idealist who was gonna win him over.
- Cory Matthews: She didn't... so much.
- Topanga Matthews: But you defended her?
- Cory Matthews: I did.
- Topanga Matthews: So Yancy fired you.
- Cory Matthews: So much.
- Topanga Matthews: Yancy can't fire you. According to Statute 30.28, teacher dismissals have to come from the State.
- Riley Matthews: Mom, do you know everything?
- Topanga Matthews: Yeah.
- Mr. Turner: Look, Yancy, I'll observe Harper's class. I'll make my decision on her. I already made my decision on Matthews long ago.
- [Yancy looks confused]
- Mr. Turner: I hired him, you know.
- [surprised]
- Principal Yancy: I... did not know that. I withdraw my... objection.
- Mr. Turner: Too late for that! Too important. What a kid is taught, is what a kid becomes. That's the job we have. You ask me to see how it's being done, and I will.
- Cory Matthews: Ms. Burgess is here to teach you about great books and great ideas. Please give her the same respect that you give me.
- Riley Matthews: Aw, we could do better than that.
- Principal Yancy: So I'm passing by your classroom on this, your second day, and I see no Mockingbird! But I still see comic books.
- Harper Burgess: Yes, we're studying the nature of good and evil!
- Principal Yancy: Ah-I don't care! Class dismissed.
- Harper Burgess: Excuse me?
- Principal Yancy: Study hall! All of you! Except Farkle, you... go sit in a garbage can.
- Farkle Minkus: Yaaaay.
- [class remains seated]
- Principal Yancy: Leave... now.
- [class still remains seated]
- Harper Burgess: Go.
- [class leaves]
- Harper Burgess: If I may explain my lesson plan...
- Principal Yancy: Oh, there's no need, Ms. Burgess, you're fired. You are brand new, kid. You think there are heroes and villains, there aren't. There's only kids, who come and go. You really think you've affected anybody?
- [Cory enters]
- Cory Matthews: Uh... what's going on here?
- Harper Burgess: I've been fired. I wanna thank you for believing in me.
- Cory Matthews: You're welcome. Oh wait, that hasn't changed. Uh, how can you possibly fire someone like her, Yancy?
- Principal Yancy: Go back to your class, Matthews.
- Cory Matthews: You're right. This isn't History, this is English. But, you know what history has in common with the great books? In turns out, there are heroes and villains. All through 'em. And the villains will always cause trouble. But there's always gonna be heroes to fight back.
- Harper Burgess: [nudges Cory and smiles] You ruined my entire lesson.
- Principal Yancy: She was hired to teach literature, but she's not! She rides a motorcycle, and she teaches comic books! How is *that* a teacher?
- Cory Matthews: That can be a great teacher. A passionate teacher, who doesn't believe that kids just come and go. And if you let her go, then... you have to be prepared to let me go as well.
- Principal Yancy: Let *you* go? Well, I wasn't prepared for that at all, just give me a second- okay, I'm good- you're fired too!