Rodger Bumpass: Squidward
Photos
Quotes
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[from a Super Bowl spot]
Mr. Krabs : The commercials in this game are really expensive, SpongeBob.
Squidward : [scoffing] It's just the pre-game.
Mr. Krabs : You've got twenty-six seconds to tell me everything in this movie.
SpongeBob SquarePants : [saluting] Sir, yes sir! There's fast cars, flashbacks, Snoop Dogg...
[a crowd of fish gasps]
SpongeBob SquarePants : ... robots...
[SpongeBob rips his pants and gets excited]
SpongeBob SquarePants : ... a wise sage...
Sage : Hello!
SpongeBob SquarePants : ...churros...
SpongeBob SquarePants , Patrick Star : [losing focus] Ohhh...
SpongeBob SquarePants : ...the only thing missing is Gary.
[SpongeBob is screaming out in the open with lightning strikes in the background]
SpongeBob SquarePants : GARY!
Patrick Star : Let's go find him!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Do I smell a road trip?
Patrick Star : That could be my breath!
[the title appears and read by the commercial's narrator]
Mr. Krabs : Eh, that was money well spent!
[the Super Bowl spot ends]
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Squidward : Which is why, even though I can't stand SpongeBob, but at the same time... well, I love him. I love him. And I hate him. He's like ice cream with salt on it, because he's sweet and super annoying. He's nice and nails-on-a-chalkboard annoying! Okay, fine, he's mostly super-freaking-annoying. But this little nattering noodge... is my friend. And he doesn't deserve to die.
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Sandy Cheeks : Alright, what'd y'all do with SpongeBob?
Squidward : We don't know where he is, Sandy. Hasn't been here in days.
[Sandy grabs Squidward around the neck suspiciously]
Sandy Cheeks : Don't you play coy with me, cephalopod.
[She lets go of Squidward and points an accusing finger at Mr. Krabs]
Sandy Cheeks : And you, arthropod. Start talking. Where is he? Tied up in the basement? Stuffed in your trunk?
Mr. Krabs : Nay, I could never harm the lad. His absence has taught me that much. And I'm not just talking about the money I'm losing with him gone.
[Sandy and Squidward exchange looks]
Mr. Krabs : Okay, fifty percent talking about the money, fifty percent talking about I truly miss the boy.
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[Squidward trudges to the Krusty Krab. The joint is dismal, but thankfully empty]
Squidward : Another day, another migraine.
[He goes to sit behind the register]
Squidward : Well, at least I'll get a little peace and quiet before that little...
SpongeBob SquarePants : Good morning, Squidward!
[Squidward jumps in fright and almost drops his magazine]
SpongeBob SquarePants : And isn't it a lovely morning?
Squidward : [knowing that any interaction from SpongeBob means trouble for him] Nope, not talking to you. I'm especially not getting involved in any of your nonsense today. I always end up with the wrong end of the stick.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Okay, Squidward.
[Squidward sighs]
SpongeBob SquarePants : But you should know that Old Gertrude's getting pretty finicky these days.
Squidward : Old Gertrude? Who the kelp is that?
SpongeBob SquarePants : You worked with her for years! She's the eight-burner grill in the kitchen.
[SpongeBob enters the kitchen]
Squidward : [through clenched teeth] It never ends.
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[the gang peers out from a hiding place]
Mr. Krabs : Do you think we should have stayed in there with Squidward?
Patrick Star : Nah, he's got it.
[Squidward stumbles around inside the suit of armor]
Squidward : Where is everybody?
Soldier : Charge!
[the soldiers attack, knocking the armor into a fire pit. The metal heats up and Squidward screams in pain. The armor jumps up, clutching its behind, slips on Patrick's food and falls out a window]
Patrick Star , Sandy Cheeks : Squidward!
[the gang rush down a spiral staircase]
Sandy Cheeks : We've got you! Hold on!
[as Squidward plummets towards the ground in the burning armor, the gang races outside with a trampoline to catch him. They dart this way and that with the trampoline. The armor crashes to the ground next to them]
Patrick Star : Man down.
[a chicken drumstick lands on the trampoline. A dazed Squidward emerges from the hole in the ground]
Squidward : [sarcastically] Good... catch.
