- The Joker: You know, it's funny. This reminds me of a joke. See, there were two guys locked in a lunatic asylum and one night... one night, they decided they didn't like that anymore. They decided to escape. So, they made it up to the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see rooftops, stretching across town, stretching to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across, no problem. But his friend, oh, no way, he's afraid of falling. So, the first guy has an idea. He says, "Hey, I got this flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me." But the second guy says, "What do you think I am, crazy? You'll just turn it off when I'm halfway across!"
- Batman: I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're running out of alternatives. Perhaps it all hinges on tonight. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but maybe I've been there, too. Maybe we could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You don't need to be alone. We don't have to kill each other. Let me help you.
- The Joker: I'm sorry, but no. No, it's far too late for that.
- Bruce Wayne: All these years, and I don't know who he is any more than he knows who I am.
- Alfred: Are you sure of that?
- Bruce Wayne: What do you mean?
- Alfred: I mean... Don't underestimate him.
- The Joker: Yes, memory is so treacherous. One moment you're lost in a carnival of delight, childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candyfloss. The next, it takes you somewhere you don't want to be. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with damp, ambiguous-shaped things you'd rather forget. Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children, no?
- The Joker: Well, that's what a dose of reality will do to you. It's why I never touch the stuff. I find it waters down the hallucinations.
- Batman: You're not in it like I am, Barbara. It's still a game for you, it's still a thrill. You haven't been taken to the edge yet.
- Batgirl: The edge of what?
- Batman: The abyss, the place where you don't care anymore. Where all hope dies. We're done here. You're off the case.
- Batgirl: No! This isn't over. You can't dismiss me with some metaphysical BS. Why are you doing this?
- Batman: I told you.
- Batgirl: Uh-uh. We've been up against worse threats than Paris Franz. This isn't about me, it's about us. It's about you getting protective and sitting in judgment. I won't have it!
- Batman: Then get out.
- [Batgirl has Batman pinned down. She suddenly stops and notices the position she's in. She stares down at Batman, then begins passionately kissing him. Batman hesitates, then wraps his hands behind her back. Batgirl slowly sits up. As she does, Batman touches her butt. She takes her mask and cape off. The camera pans up as she takes off her top, exposing her bra. It then cuts to the next morning. Barbara is in her bathroom, in her tank top and undies. She stares at her reflection]
- Barbara Gordon: Barbara Kathleen Gordon, what the hell have you done?
- Commissioner Gordon: Please, tell me what I'm doing here. Somebody!
- The Joker: Doing? You're doing what any sane man in your appalling circumstances would do. You're going mad.
- Barbara Gordon: I saw that abyss you spoke about... very scary, but so tempting. I don't know how you resist it. I don't think it's humanly possible after a while. Be careful.
- Batman: I spoke with Commissioner Gordon before I came in here. He told me he wanted this done by the book. You know what that means? It means that despite all your sick, cruel, vicious little games, he's as sane as he ever was. So, ordinary people don't crack. Maybe it's just you.
- The Joker: No!
- [as he draws a gun, Batman tackles him outside; after a brief struggle, he raises it again; pulling the trigger, a flag with "Click Click Click" on it pops out]
- The Joker: [pulling the trigger a few times, then throwing it away] God damn it.
- The Joker: I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I know. Because something like that happened to me.
- The Joker: Finish the Commissioner, take him where he needs to be. And please, do be careful. After all, he is topping the bill.
- Batman: Jim, are you still...
- Commissioner Gordon: Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Batman: It's okay. Let it come.
- Commissioner Gordon: He showed me pictures of my daughter. Have you seen her?
- Batman: Yes. She's alive.
- Commissioner Gordon: And?
- Batman: The police are right behind me. I'll stay with you, until...
- Commissioner Gordon: No! I'll survive. Go after him. I want him brought in. And I want it done by the book.
- [Batman heads towards Joker's funhouse]
- Commissioner Gordon: By the book! You have to! We have to show him our way works.
- Commissioner Gordon: [scrapbooking old articles about the Joker] Look at this one. First time they met. He was just robbing banks then. You remember?
- Barbara Gordon: What I remember is you describing his white face and green hair. I was just a kid, scared the hell out of me.
- Commissioner Gordon: I thought you'd be interested.
- Barbara Gordon: Yeah, well, I had some really interesting nightmares.
- [opening the front door, she sees the Joker with a revolver in hand, and she's thrown backwards as she's shot]
- Commissioner Gordon: Barbara!
- The Joker: I wouldn't worry yet, if I were you. It's just a psychological manifestation, common among librarians. She thinks she's a coffee table edition, though I can't say much for this volume's condition. I mean, there's a hole in the jacket and the spine appears to be damaged.
- Commissioner Gordon: You scum! I'll...
- [as he picks up a pair of scissors, one of the Joker's thugs slugs him in the face]
- The Joker: [as he talks, they continue to beat on Gordon behind him] Will you? Refreshing to hear, not by the book. Speaking of which, this one won't be walking off the shelf anytime soon. In fact, the idea of her walking anywhere seems remote. But then, that's always a problem with softbacks. Oh, God, literary discussions can get so dry, can't they? Finish the Commissioner, take him where he needs to be and please, do be careful. After all, he is topping the bill. It really is a shame you'll miss your father's debut, Ms. Gordon. Sadly, our venue wasn't built with the disabled in mind.
- Batman: I've been thinking lately about you. You and me. About how this is going to end. About who will end up killing who.
- The Joker: So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, headed for places in your past where the screaming is unavoidable.Remember this, there's always madness.
- The Joker: You had a bad day and everything changed.Dressing up like a flying rat doesn't hide it, it screams it.You had a bad day and it drove you as crazy as everybody else, only you won 't admit it. You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling. You make me want to puke.
- The Joker: By clinging to reality, you're denying the reality of the situation. I mean do you ever think about how close we've come to world war 3 over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Silly goose it's all a joke everything we valued or struggled for... It's Monsterous
- The Joker: So, I quit to be a comedian, to make people laugh because when they laugh, they feel good. The thing is... They didn't.
- Detective Bullock: Some woman found Ms. Gordon, name of Colleen Miles. She found the, uh, victim in a state of undress.
- Batman: Undress?
- Detective Bullock: They didn't tell you? Pretty sick, ain't it?
- Batman: Leave us alone for a moment.
- Barbara Gordon: You know, I found that Catwoman scrapbook you couldn't. It was behind the wardrobe. You really ought to let me work out a filing system for you, something like we use at the library.
- Commissioner Gordon: [not really listening] Mm-hmm.
- Barbara Gordon: Oh, look. You've got paste squidging out. Don't get it on your pants.
- Commissioner Gordon: Barbara, I swear, you're fussier than your mother was.
- The Joker: So, Commissioner, I need your help.
- Commissioner Gordon: Is that why I'm here?
- The Joker: Well, that's why you're here right now, like right now, as in this moment. Do me a favor and live in it, okay? Anyway, me and my colleagues, we couldn't come up with one sound mind and body between us. So we're counting on yours.
- Commissioner Gordon: [at Arkham] Listen to me. He's been in custody for two years. If we can prove what we found today...
- Batman: He'll confess.
- Commissioner Gordon: He's insane. It's a mistake to think you know what he'll do.
- Batman: I'm not here because of what was found today. I'm here because I need to be.
- Detective Bullock: Coroner came and gave things the eyeball. Says these poor saps died probably three years ago.
- Batman: Died?
- Detective Bullock: Well, we won't know for sure if they was murdered 'til after the autopsies.
- Batman: They were murdered. What do you make of this?
- Detective Bullock: What do I make? Well, three years ago was that dentists' convention.
- Batman: The one where a handful of conventioneers never returned home, just went missing. Emptied out their bank accounts and disappeared.
- Detective Bullock: I think we're standing in the mouth of that. It's an interesting choice of words, huh?
- Batman: Tell Gordon I'd like to talk to him.
- Detective Bullock: Well, I would, but tonight's his father/daughter night, and you know he doesn't...
- Batman: Have to be there. Tell Gordon I need to talk. To him.
- [mid-credits scene]
- Barbara Gordon: [returning home] Yeah, dad, I just got back from the lacrosse game. Going to practice some wallball this weekend.
- [seeing a slanted framed picture, she throws a ball at it to straighten it]
- Barbara Gordon: Getting pretty good. Maybe another night, dad. I got plans tonight. I can't help it if your daughter's so popular. I'll talk to you later.
- [hanging up, she enters a secret room; computers power up, and the Oracle logo appears on one screen as she puts on a headset]
- Barbara Gordon: Right, then. Back to work.
- Alfred: Your refreshments, Master Bruce.
- [setting a tray down]
- Alfred: Well, then, sir, do you need my further assistance or should I just go away?
- Bruce Wayne: That'll be fine. Trying to figure out what he intends to do. It's almost impossible.
- Alfred: Excuse me if I find that comforting, sir.
- Detective Bullock: Hell of a night, huh?
- Batman: What makes it different from any other night in Gotham?
- Detective Bullock: Nothing. Nothing at all, I suppose. Commissioner Gordon, uh, he thought you might like to see this.
- Batman: That's an interesting choice of words.
- Detective Bullock: Come again?
- Batman: Why would I "like" to see this?
- Detective Bullock: Huh. Well, I guess "need" would have been better for you, right?
- Commissioner Gordon: Barbara, it's Dad.
- Barbara Gordon: Oh, hi, dad. How's your day?
- Commissioner Gordon: Not over yet, unfortunately. I'm sorry, honey, but I won't be able to make it tonight. Something's come up.
- Barbara Gordon: Are you all right?
- Commissioner Gordon: I'm fine. There's nothing for you to worry about. A friend asked me for a favor.
- Barbara Gordon: A friend?
- Commissioner Gordon: Yes, honey, that friend.
- Carny Owner: So, had enough time to look over the property? It's what you're looking for?
- The Joker: Well, it's garish, ugly, and smells like piss. Can't quite make out whether it's bums or rats, but it's piss. I'm a connoisseur when it comes to eau de toilette. As for the rides, any innocent little child getting on one could be maimed or worse.
- Carny Owner: So you don't like it?
- The Joker: Don't like it? I'm crazy for it!
- Carny Owner: Okay. Okay, that's great. So, the price, with what you've mentioned, we can negotiate.
- The Joker: No need to. Sure your price is steep, but as I look around, all I can see is I'll be making a killing.
- Batman: [at Barbara's hospital bedside] Barbara... I don't know if you can hear me.
- Barbara Gordon: [waking up] Batman? Batman. He took Dad, he... oh, god! I remember.
- Batman: Barbara, take it easy. It's okay.
- Barbara Gordon: No, no, it's not okay. He's taking it to the limit this time. You didn't see his eyes. He said he wanted to... to prove a point. Said dad was top of the bill. What's he gonna do? What's he gonna do to my father?
- Carny Owner: Let me tell you something. You ain't gonna regret buying this place. It ain't as bad as it looks.
- The Joker: I hope you're wrong about that.
- Carny Owner: Come on, a little spit and polish, you'll have yourself one hell of a carnival.
- The Joker: Oh, you are so right, and thanks to your smooth salesmanship, and your silver tongue, I'm completely sold. Let's shake on it.
- Carny Owner: Sure, sure, it's my privilege.
- The Joker: Yes. Yes, it is.
- Carny Owner: [two thugs run by] Who are they?
- The Joker: Spit and Polish, my attorneys. They persuaded your partner to sign over the deed about an hour ago. The property's already mine. I can see that you're happy about that. Now, I must dash. There's equipment to rent, plus workers to hire, and of course, I need to secure my main attraction.
- Reese: So, you and yoga guy?
- Barbara Gordon: Yeah, a few nights ago.
- Reese: Girl, you've been holding out. How was it? Not so good?
- Barbara Gordon: No, it was fantastic. Like fireworks.
- Reese: Yeah?
- Barbara Gordon: Except he's been avoiding me. At least, I think he is. We haven't talked.
- Reese: I've been to that dance.
- Barbara Gordon: Maybe it was too soon, even after all this time.
- Reese: Talk to him, Babs. Some guys need a period of adjustment. They get nervous about commitment. He's only human, right?
- Batgirl: How long was I out?
- Batman: A few minutes. Apparently, I got there right after they left. You should have waited for me.
- Batgirl: They were on their way out. I had to do something.
- Batman: His name is Paris. Paris Franz.
- Batgirl: [choking on her coffee] You're kidding?
- [seeing his look]
- Batgirl: I guess not.
- Batman: Your father gave me his file. He's a nasty combination of narcissist and sociopath. He'll have you smiling right up to the moment he cuts your throat. I haven't had to deal with his type of crazy in a while. I don't want you to, either.
- Batgirl: What are you saying?
- Batman: Don't go near him without me.
- Batgirl: Excuse me?
- Batman: No matter what.
- Batgirl: We're not exactly attached at the hip.
- Batman: We are on this. You want to work with me, you do what I say.
- Batgirl: And that's it? You speak and the words are law?
- Batman: Yes.
- Reese: Darker men, huh? Barbara, why didn't you tell me? I have a cousin who's a defense attorney.
- Barbara Gordon: Ooh, Reese, not that dark.
- Reese: [sing-song] He's single.
- Barbara Gordon: Well, that lights him up a bit, doesn't it?
- Reese: Babs, girl, I-I do not understand why you're having fishing troubles when we are in the middle of a lake. What do these guys have to do to get your attention? Steal a book?
- Barbara Gordon: It just so happens I'm involved with someone. Sort of, kind of.
- Reese: That serious, huh?
- Batman: Negotiating?
- Batgirl: He wasn't gonna hurt me.
- Batman: Did he know that?
- Batgirl: Sometimes, you have to have a little faith.
- Batman: What happened to the drivers?
- Batgirl: They got away. But the night's still young.
- Batman: [waking the thug up with a smelling salt] I'm gonna need some alone time.
- Batgirl: Oh, sure, yeah. Maybe I'll see you...
- [as she leaves, she hears the thug screaming]
- Batgirl: ...later.
- Paris: [fighting Batgirl] It's like a dance.
- Batgirl: [wiping blood from her mouth] Yeah, right.
- Paris: Too bad we can't sit this one out.
- Batgirl: I don't waste my time with punk amateurs.
- Paris: Oh, baby, I think you've misjudged me.
- [spraying something in her face]
- Paris: Smells like cherries, huh? You've got maybe ten seconds to bedtime, baby. Can't end the night without a kiss.
- [she knees him in the groin]
- Paris: [drawing a gun] You'll never make it to the door, Batgirl.
- [the vault door shuts and locks]
- Paris: Smart girl.
- Francesco: It's all over the news. Every channel.
- Paris: What can I tell you? Batgirl's hot.
- Francesco: [grabbing him] Don't get smart.
- [slapping him]
- Francesco: I lost four men yesterday.
- Paris: Four idiots. They said they could knock out the tracker on the armored car. I don't think they could plug a computer in their ass.
- Francesco: Do I care? I'm out a hundred grand thanks to your friggin' fiasco. And what do I get for it? The Bat and his bitch breathing down my neck. Bottom line, you're gonna give me my money back, nephew, every cent. Otherwise, you're gonna become a very distant relative, very soon. Capisce?
- Paris: Okay, unc, whatever you say.
- Batman: You let him play you. He thinks he knows you, like there's some kind of relationship going. He led you like a lap dog.
- Batgirl: Bull. I knew what I was doing. I was on the hunt, same as you.
- Batman: No, you were trying to prove something. You let your ego cloud your judgment. You should've listened to me.
- Batgirl: I thought we were partners.
- Batman: We are. But we're not equals; not even close.