Galavant (TV Series)

Bewitched, Bothered, and Belittled (2016)

Joshua Sasse: Galavant

Quotes 

• [singing to King Richard] 

  Galavant : If you don't screw up this moment somehow, maybe you won't die alone. Don't be too needy or bring up your ex. Don't say the words "herpes simplex." Don't ever mention you've never had sex. Trust me, I promise she knows.

• [Richard pulls out the enormous Jewel of Valencia] 

  Galavant : Where did you get that?

  King Richard : I smuggled it out when we escaped from the kingdom.

  Galavant : How? We didn't have anything with us.

  King Richard : I swallowed it!

  Galavant : It's huge.

  King Richard : Believe me, I know. I had to slather it with bacon grease to choke it down.

  Galavant : Richard, that's insane.

  King Richard : No, what's insane is when it came out. Do you remember that day on the ship when I was screaming for hours? Well, now I know what my mother was always complaining about.

• Galavant : Why don't we all go for dinner tonight, hmmm? Somewhere candlelit?

  King Richard : So... anywhere?

  Galavant : Yeah, pretty much anywhere at all.

• Galavant : I was thinking from here on out, maybe I'd do the hero thing... alone.

  King Richard : What? Why?

  Galavant : Well, because you nearly got us killed by those mercenaries and the mercenaries before that or any of the other countless times you've put our lives in jeopardy.

• Galavant : Maybe you could spend some more time with Roberta. I mean, you two obviously have something going on.

  King Richard : You mean her? Are you serious?

  Galavant : No, I was just saying it to get out of an awkward situation. But actually, now that I think about it - yeah, that would be a really good way to get you out of my hair!