- [Josh, Greg, White Josh and Hector have just woken up after spending all night away working on putting together a dining room table for Valencia, with who Josh has just moved in]
- Josh Chan: Valencia is so mad at me. We've been here all night, and I haven't even finished sorting the screws.
- Greg Serrano: Josh, there's still time to bail... on the table, I mean. We were friends with you before we even met this table.
- White Josh: Ah, the truth is, none of us really even like... the current table.
- Greg Serrano: I hate this table.
- White Josh: We don't like, um, this table.
- Greg Serrano: You're going to ruin your life... if you stick with this table.
- White Josh: Bros before... tables.
- Hector: I think it's a nice thing you're doing. Nicest thing I ever did for a girl was pull out.
- Greg Serrano: Hector...
- Hector: She has tandem parking, so after I'm there for a while, I have to pull out, which is such a pain 'cause it feels so great just to leave it in there. The worst is when it's alternate side of the street parking, 'cause then I have to park in the back. I don't get why there's a spot back there. It's so tight. It feels more like an exit. So then I'm going front, back, front, back... and it's all dirty in the back, so when I move it to the front, then that gets all dirty. I'm just happy I have a spot at all... 'cause I used to have to pay.
- Rebecca Bunch: Oh God, you're still here. Tell it to me straight, am I schizophrenic?
- Dr. Phil: I'm not really here, I'm just in your imagination. I mean, let's face it, you do have a very active imagination. One minute, you're walkin' down the street, the next minute, you're in a big musical.
- Paula Proctor: Look, I get it. Greg is your Jacob, but we all know you're gonna end up with Edward. Because you're Bella.
- Rebecca Bunch: What is that reference? It's on the tip of my tongue. It's...
- Paula Proctor: Twilight!
- Rebecca Bunch: Twilight! Yes.
- Paula Proctor: It's only the greatest story since Shakespeare... in Love!
- Valencia Perez: Joshy, I needed that sage to cleanse the house of evil spirits. Ghosts are obsessed with me!
- Paula Proctor: Uhhh, I hate her. She's worse than all the Kardashians combined. Except for Caitlyn, who's a national hero.
- Rebecca Bunch: I'm just gonna call Josh and see if it's cool that I come over.
- Paula Proctor: Do you need me to call Valencia from a burner phone and tell her there's been a murder at the yoga studio so you and Josh can have more alone time?
- Rebecca Bunch: You came up with that way too quickly.
- Darryl Whitefeather: Karen said that she smells Vodka on you.
- Rebecca Bunch: That's ridiculous! Vodka doesn't smell!
- Dr. Phil: Do I really need to tell you, don't take a pill you found on the bathroom floor - next to the toilet?
- Paula Proctor: Is that Greg again? Look at that, he has texted you six times already today!
- Rebecca Bunch: Yeah, because he's my friend! We're friends! We're gonna go to a movie - as friends!
- Paula Proctor: It's like he's a stalker. Okay? No one likes a stalker.
- [Paula looks through her binoculars]
- Paula Proctor: Oh, the eagle and the bitch have landed.
- Calvin Young: Mmmm! Your perfume is delightful!
- Paula Proctor: Thank you. I rubbed a magazine on myself this morning.
- Calvin Young: Well, it smells like a cherub dancing in the morning dew.
- [Calvin shakes Karen's hand]
- Karen: Please excuse my handshake, I have naturally damp hands. It's a medical condition. I am in some studies.
- Rebecca Bunch: Are you taking me off the case? Please don't take me off the case! Because if you take me off the case, that means I'm not working, and if I'm working, it means I have to think thoughts!
- Josh Chan: I wanna surprise her.
- White Josh: Surprise her? With furniture? She's very picky, dude.
- Greg Serrano: Yeah, yesterday you got in trouble because you bought the wrong kind of sage. You bought the kind you put in food, not the kind you scare ghosts away with.
- Darryl Whitefeather: How are my eyebrows?
- Paula Proctor: Don't care.
- Darryl Whitefeather: They can be wonky.
- Dr. Phil: Josh could find you if he wanted to. You have made yourself REALLY easy to find. You have been rejected. Rejected! He doesn't want you! That's reality, deal with it!
- Rebecca Bunch: No, I'm not gonna listen to you. You talk silly.
- Dr. Phil: Oh my God!
- Rebecca Bunch: Oh, what's that, little pill? "Eat me, Rebecca?" I think I will.
- Dr. Phil: Pills don't talk. Don't take it! She took it.