- Wolf Blitzer: Governor Christie, what steps would you take to keep Americans safe?
- Gov. Chris Christie: Wolf, I would like to answer that with a series of fear-mongering statements.
- Wolf Blitzer: Go ahead.
- Gov. Chris Christie: We are under attack and we are all going to die. Mothers are putting their kids on buses, and these buses are being driven off cliffs by terrorists. Today, in our great country, one out of every three babies born are already in ISIS. They are here, folks, and I am the only one up here with the stones to take them on. I am a cowboy on a steel horse I ride. Bon Jovi forever!
- Wolf Blitzer: Senator, you said you will relentlessly carpet-bomb ISIS. Is this a real strategy?
- Sen. Ted Cruz: Well, Wolf, um, if I'm President, I can promise you, ISIS will hate me. An- and how do I know? Because everyone who knows me hates me. Democrats hate me. Republicans hate me. I have what doctors call a "punchable" face. Politico actually did a poll and I was voted the candidate most people wanted to throw a beer at. So look out, ISIS, because I'm gonna crash your party. And just like every party I go to, I'm gonna ruin it.
- Wolf Blitzer: Okay, well, it looks like Jeb's got his courage back up. He's ready to take another run at Trump. Mr. Bush, go ahead and say out loud what you've been quietly muttering to yourself.
- Gov. Jeb Bush: Trump? I mean, this guy is the chaos candidate. Am I right? Chaos. Is he for real? No, man.
- Donald Trump: Jeb, you're a very nice man, but you're basically a little girl. Folks, this is true, I got hold of Jeb's birth certificate at full disclosure. His real name is Jeborah.
- Gov. Jeb Bush: That is not true!
- Donald Trump: [in a mocking sing-song voice] Jeborah! Jeborah!
- Wolf Blitzer: All right, before we go to commercial, we'll give Jeb one last chance to make an impression.
- Gov. Jeb Bush: [waving his hands desperately to the other candidates at their podiums] All right, guys, listen. If we work together, we can stop Donald Trump. If you combine my numbers with yours, yours, and yours, we'd almost win!
- Donald Trump: Hey, Jeborah, shut your pie-hole.
- Gov. Jeb Bush: Okay, you know what, you're a jerk. You're never gonna be President, Donald.
- Donald Trump: Yeah, no kidding. None of us are, genius. And I'll tell you something else: Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!