- Christy Plunkett: I can understand ordering lava cake, but I don't understand how you got it on your ass.
- Bonnie Plunkett: [trying to clean her dress] Because it's lava!
- Christy Plunkett: I am not dating Candace's father!
- Bonnie Plunkett: [trying to clean her dress she was going to return] This is a $1,200 dress, yes you are!
- Bonnie Plunkett: [on how to dress for dinner with Candace and her father] I'm thinking of something from Neiman Marcus.
- Christy Plunkett: How can you afford that?
- Bonnie Plunkett: Simple, keep the tags on to return it the next day, and make sure not to sweat, spill or dribble.
- Christy Plunkett: You're an evil genius. What do I do about shoes though?
- Bonnie Plunkett: Put nipple pasties on them so we don't scuff the bottoms.
- Christy Plunkett: You've done this before, haven't you?
- Bonnie Plunkett: Yeah, unfortunately we'll have to wear our own underwear.