Galavant (TV Series)

Do the D'DEW (2016)

Mallory Jansen: Queen Madalena

Photos 

Quotes 

• Isabella : I thought we might discuss terms, avoid unnecessary bloodshed.

  Madalena : Well, I kind of am here for the unnecessary bloodshed.

  Isabella : The rules of war dictate that...

  Madalena : God, you're going to be lame about this, aren't you? Fine. Here are my terms: complete surrender, hand over your castle, your gold, your jewels, your livestock...

  Isabella : I think that's a bit extreme.

  Madalena : Not done. All the men of fighting age will be conscripted into our army. Oh, and I want all the children to put their toys in a pile, then I'm going to light it on fire.

  [giggling] 

  Madalena : Yay! I'm having fun after all!

• Madalena : I'm ready to do whatever I need to join the Dark, Dark Evil Wa...

  [Wormwood turns around, a knife in his hand and a baby under his arm] 

  Chester Wormwood : Excellent!

  Madalena : Oh, God, no! Sorry. That's beyond even me.

  [beat] 

  Madalena : Oh, fine, give it here.

  Chester Wormwood : No, no, it's all right. I'm just babysitting for one of the kitchen staff. I was cutting up a peach for the little chap.

• [singing] 

  Isabella : I'm smarter, tougher, my biceps are buffer. You're clever? Whatever. I'm clever enough-er.

  Madalena : Except as a kisser. I've heard you're the worst!

  Isabella : I still got the guy.

  Madalena : But I had him first.

  Isabella : That's not all you've had, now, is it? The whole feudal system has paid you a visit!

  Madalena : Yet it's you who's now royally screwed.

  Isabella : You think so, ho?

  Madalena : I know so, prude!

• Madalena : The prophecy says, "He who pulls the sword from the stump will unite the kingdoms under his glorious rule." Prophecies are never wrong! That's just science.

• [singing] 

  Madalena : I don't like you!

  Isabella : I really don't like you!

  Madalena , Isabella : You really, really, really, really crossed the line! And soon your castle and your ass'll be mine! I don't like you!

• Chester Wormwood : Not only am I the most respected wedding planner in the land, I'm also a practitioner of the dark arts. A master of the D'DEW.

  Madalena : What's that?

  Barry : Dark Dark Evil Way. The D'DEW.

  Chester Wormwood : Shut up, Barry!... What he said is right.

  Gareth : Why do you call it the "D'DEW?" Wouldn't it be simpler just to say "the DEW?"

  Madalena : Good one.

  Chester Wormwood : No, no, no. The way isn't just dark... it's *dark, dark.*

• [rapping] 

  Madalena : I'm thinner, cooler, clearly much crueler. And check out the bling - I'm your kingdom's new ruler!

  Gareth : Boom!

  Madalena : Got a jeweler to pimp out your crown.

  Isabella : The serf may be up, but I'm taking you down.

  Jester : Ooh, yeah!

  Isabella : Enough pleasantry. You're queen presently, but, hon, you're just one of the peasantry! Kosher as bacon and fakin' the funk. You'll just have to deal.

  Madalena : Oh, I'll deal with you, punk!

• [Wormwood brandishes a knife that he was using to cut a peach] 

  Chester Wormwood : I think with these powers, you'll definitely win the war. And I think you'll find the D'DEW folks are a fun group of people to be with!

  Madalena : So is there like a ceremony or something?

  Chester Wormwood : No, you just sign a contract for your immortal soul. Uh, where did I put it?

  [Wormwood hands Madalena the knife and looks for the contract] 

  Chester Wormwood : Ah, here. If you...

  [Madalena squeals as she slices open her palm] 

  Chester Wormwood : No, no, no! You don't have to sign in blood. I just gave you the knife to hold. A quill's fine! Yes, but points for enthusiasm though.

• [singing] 

  Isabella : It's a dark season, and it's been all along. A grim season - there's no point in pretending!

  Gareth : For some reason, we're still singing this song.

  Madalena : But this time, with a d'doozy of an ending!

  [Madalena's eyes flash bright red] 

  Gareth : What just happened?

  Madalena : What?

  Gareth : I thought...

  Madalena : Oh, look! A squirrel!

• Isabella : I thought we might discuss terms; avoid unnecessary bloodshed.

  Madalena : Well I kind of am here for the unnecessary bloodshed.

  Isabella : The rules of war dictate that...

  Madalena : God, you're going to be lame about this aren't you? Fine. Here are my terms: Complete surrender. Hand over your castle, your gold, your jewels, your livestock...

  Isabella : I think that's a bit extreme.

  Madalena : Not done. All the men of fighting age will be conscripted into our army. Oh and I want all the children to put their toys in a pile then I'm going to light it on fire. Yey, I'm having fun afterall!