- Isabella: I've been locked in a dungeon and jewelry box, I've been engaged to my eleven year-old cousin, I've spent the better part of two years in the same outfit. I am getting my happy ending!
- [Richard draws his sword]
- King Richard: Care to dance?
- Chester Wormwood: Love to!
- King Richard: Excellent!
- Chester Wormwood: Let's be clear, right? When you say "dance," you mean "fight." You don't really wanna dance.
- King Richard: Correct, fight not dance. Sorry, did you wanna dance?
- Chester Wormwood: No! Really - come on, kinda weird!
- King Richard: You know, sorry, this face-off isn't going great. Would you mind terribly if we started over?
- Chester Wormwood: Yeah, sure.
- [Richard re-sheathes his sword, clears his throat and speaks in a booming voice]
- King Richard: *Well, well, well!* If it isn't the soon-to-be-dead Mr. Wormwood!
- Chester Wormwood: Oh, much better!
- Sid: Then I wandered into the Enchanted Forest for a drink, not knowing it was a...
- King of Valencia, Gareth: You knew.
- Jester: He knew.
- Sid: [sheepish] I knew.
- King Richard: You must be the Mr. Wormwood I've heard so much about.
- Wormwood: Oh! King Richard, I presume.
- King Richard: You know, when you presume, you make a pres out of you and me.
- Wormwood: [frowns] Sorry, what... what does that mean?
- King Richard: Not sure.
- King Richard: Is the Pirate King with you? I love that guy!
- Sid: We couldn't afford him... or the leader of the giants, or Jubilee, or really anyone else recognizable.
- Galavant: I don't mean to sound like a jerk, Tad Cooper, but I really thought I was gonna be the one king to unite them all.
- Confessional Monk: [singing] Do you, your highness, take this male model to be your wedded sp...
- Isabella: I do!
- Galavant: Do you, good sir, take your social superior to be your wedded sp...
- Galavant: Yes. I do.
- Confessional Monk: For richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, through rampaging vikings and cannibal elves, through hobbits and bikers, and dolphins with lasers, and mutants, and lawyers, and...
- Sid: Oh my God, just kiss the bride!
- King Richard: [watching a tender moment between Galavant and Isabella] Someone's daughter is going to get a little whoop-whoop tonight!
- King of Valencia: What the hell is wrong with you?
- King Richard: I honestly have no idea.
- Young Richard: Enough! They cheer because I'm king, and because... they're scared, but not because of anything I do.
- Young Gareth: [to the playground] Your king had a realization! Cheer his realization!
- King Richard: You killed my dragon!
- Chester Wormwood: Look, dude, I was there, I know. Don't keep saying it! And it wasn't a *dragon* it was a lizard.
- King Richard: Will my star ever rise? Will my life ever change? Am I destined to be achievement-free forever? I don't need all my dreams to happen. Or a bunch... or even some. Will my day ever come?
- [Richard's lost in thought, singing aloud, and suddenly realizes everyone's staring at him]
- King Richard: What? I'm singing a duet with my inner child. Oh, like I give a monkey's butt what you think! A zombie army's about to break through that door, we'll be dead in minutes anyway!
- Chester Wormwood: Looks like they want to make a game of it. Ha! Fine by me!
- [music swells; Wormwood begins to sing]
- Chester Wormwood: Do D'DEW, doo-doo...
- Queen Madalena: Please stop, we already sang that one.
- Chester Wormwood: Sorry. It's just ridiculously catchy.
- [singing closing theme]
- Confessional Monk: And now we're almost done, our tale completely spun, as buffed and polished as a royal jewel. There's not much left to tell, and hey, that's just as well, unless we get one more surprise renewal. Now we'll prob'ly have to go and get work on some cheap-ass cable network! But the door is not quite shut, so if we make the cut, here's what you'll see on Galavant!
- Young Richard: [singing] Do I ever become the hero? Will I wed the girl I love? Am I going to get to touch her boobs?
- Isabella: If memory serves, you said something about a wedding. I mean, not that I need a wedding. I'm all about the deconstruction of the princess myth but, uh... well, it's been a long year.
- King Richard: Listen, I need you to take care of Tad Cooper for me.
- Galavant: What?
- King Richard: There's something I need to do.
- Galavant: No, no, no! Hang on, I'm not looking after the lizard.
- King Richard: He's a *dragon*!
- Gareth: I promise you we can spend the rest of our lives together being terrible. Even if we're not as totally terrible as you want.
- Madalena: It's too late for me! I've tasted ultimate power and I want more! Gareth, I love you - more than you'll ever know - but this is who I am. I'm sorry. D'DEW!
- [Madalena vanishes in a puff of smoke]