- Gene Belcher: If you have good times and if you have good rhymes, you may have found your one and only. But then the one you like-like says take a hike-hike and suddenly, you're lonely. But still be glad even if you're sad. Take comfort just in knowing. You'll be okay. It's Valentine's Day. Your heart's not broken. It's only growing.
- Bob Belcher: [to Linda] Happy Valentine's Day. I didn't get you anything.
- Linda Belcher: I didn't get you anything either. You want go make out?
- Bob Belcher: Yeah.
- Tammy: Oh, my God. Tina, you look way cute today.
- Tina Belcher: Oh, thanks. I opened a new pack of barrettes.
- Tina Belcher: Mr. Frond and the entire student body have put their trust in me. These are private Valentine's cards.
- Louise Belcher: I can pick that lock in, like, two seconds.
- Tina Belcher: Then pick that son of a bitch!
- Zeke: [about Gene and Courtney's school announcements] Oh, man, did they lose it! Good God, I'm bored! Bring back Labonz, man. At least she gave a crap!