The Magicians (TV Series)

Knight of Crowns (2017)

Hale Appleman: Eliot Waugh

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Quotes 

• Quentin Coldwater : Wait, all these questions are from the '90s.

  Knight of Crowns : It - it's not the 1990s on Earth right now?

  Quentin Coldwater : No, it - it's 2017. Oh, and it's, uh, "Wings", the - the Tim Daly show. "Wings".

  William 'Penny' Adiyodi : Of course you know that.

  Eliot Waugh : Okay, '90s.

  [Turns to the Knight] 

  Eliot Waugh : Ask me something about Patrick Swayze.

  Knight of Crowns : [In awe]  You know of Swayze?

• Eliot Waugh : You know, it's considered extremely disrespectful to touch a king without permission.

  Quentin Coldwater : Oh

  [Moves away] 

  Eliot Waugh : But, um, I think you should probably hug me right now.

• Eliot Waugh : There are four kings and queens?

  Quentin Coldwater : Yeah, you get to pick the other three.

  [Looks hopeful] 

  Quentin Coldwater : Do I get to be a king?

  Eliot Waugh : Unless you want me to pick Penny.

• Quentin Coldwater : So, destiny is - it's bullshit. But you are High King in your blood. And somehow that makes sense, you know? And I-I just - for what it's worth, I think that you are going to be a really good king.

  [pause] 

  Quentin Coldwater : Um, so, um, I-I dub thee, um, I don't know. Would you say, like, you're more brave or merciful?

  Eliot Waugh : I'd say I'm neither. But I still plan to be a spectacular monarch.

  Quentin Coldwater : I hereby dub thee High King Eliot the Spectacular.

• Eliot Waugh : By the power vested in me by... I have no idea, I do hereby crown you High Queen Margo the Destroyer.

  [Looks at the group] 

  Eliot Waugh : I mean that in the best possible sense.

• Quentin Coldwater : We need a new plan.

  Margo Hanson : What plan? The Beast is gone. Our squad is a joke. What plan, exactly?

  Eliot Waugh : We'll figure it out. We always do.

  Margo Hanson : When it's a final to cheat on, not when we're stuck in some epic fantasy that likes to behead its heroes halfway through season one.

  [pause] 

  Margo Hanson : If we even are heroes. We might be comic relief.

• Knight of Crowns : As you know, only a Child Of Earth can wear the crown of the High King. I will ask you a series of questions designed to root out all pretenders to the throne. Only a true High King will hold the answers in his heart.

  Eliot Waugh : Come at me.

  Knight of Crowns : [Dramatic pause]  ... What popular American television program stars actor Tim Daly?

  Eliot Waugh : What the fuck?

  Alice Quinn : He was in a lot of TV shows.

  Knight of Crowns : There is only one correct answer.

  Eliot Waugh : Okay. Give me the next question.

  Knight of Crowns : This hit single is performed by offspring of famous entertainers.

  Margo Hanson : Dude, that is crazy vague.

• William 'Penny' Adiyodi : My hands are in a fucking box, so Chatwin's Torrent?

  Eliot Waugh : I know that one. It's, um, it's a healing river.

  William 'Penny' Adiyodi : Can it reattach hands?

  Quentin Coldwater : Maybe.

  William 'Penny' Adiyodi : I'm going. I'll catch you on the flip.

  [Starts to leave] 

  Quentin Coldwater : Wait, no, I don't think you should be going alone.

  Margo Hanson : I'll go.

  [They look surprised] 

  Margo Hanson : Um, healing water? We're going to battle. I'll grab, like, a gallon.

  [to Penny] 

  Margo Hanson : You're wiping your own ass, so figure that out.

• Eliot Waugh : [after being crowned by Quentin]  This feels as natural as underwear.