- Oscar Madison: [Referring to his Check Engine light after his car starts emitting smoke] It went out after a while so I figured everything was okay.
- Felix Unger: It went out because the bulb burned out, LIKE THE ONE IN YOUR HEAD!
- Oscar Madison: How was it with Murph?
- Felix Unger: Driver's ed, he's a complete failure. Sex ed? Summa Cum Laude.
- Officer: How did this all start?
- Felix Unger: On November 13th, I was asked to remove myself from my place of residence. That request came from my wife
- Oscar Madison: Not that far back.