Special Unit (2017)

Billy Gardell: Captain Wynn

Quotes 

• Captain Wynn : Next time, warn a guy if you're gonna kick him in the backup stairs.

  Garrett Fowler : Sorry, Captain, I was trying to not blow cover like dumbass here. How is he?

  Todd Parker : How is he? He's shot, you piece of shit!

• Captain Wynn : I can't do this anymore.

  Garrett Fowler : Well, then find me a decent partner.

  Captain Wynn : Well, that's a tall order, Fowler, because you're a violent, arrogant douchebag that thinks about nothing but himself.

  Garrett Fowler : I like puppies.

  Captain Wynn : There's no one left. If I put you in parking enforcement, you'd get shot by a meter maid.

  Garrett Fowler : That baby wasn't mine.

  Captain Wynn : What?

  Garrett Fowler : She slept with anybody who had a nice car.

  Captain Wynn : You got a meter maid pregnant?

  Garrett Fowler : You didn't know that.

• Garrett Fowler : Sir, what about my car? It's 35 grand.

  [sound of Wynn laughing] 

  Garrett Fowler : Sir, am I on the precinct's insurance or not?

  [more laughter] 

  Garrett Fowler : I'm gonna need something from you guys!

  Captain Wynn : Go fuck yourself, Fowler.

• Captain Wynn : I just smashed a Pincocchio! Do you know how hard it is to get an actual, authentic, mini ceramic kiln-fired in the fucking Netherlands Pinocchio?

  Garrett Fowler : Yes, sir, it's why I started drinking.

  Captain Wynn : You see, my therapist... my therapist suggested that I started to collect figurines to-to help me with my stress. But it made me nuts. So you know what I do now? I throw 'em, because I feel better when I see their little heads crack open!

  Garrett Fowler : Well, we are all glad you're in charge, sir.

• Captain Wynn : As per the mayor, that's your new job.

  Garrett Fowler : [opening a folder, he starts laughing]  Fairness and Disabilities Act. Handicapped cadets.

  [laughing harder] 

  Garrett Fowler : Handicapped police offiers.

  [he continues laughing until he sees Wynn is serious] 

  Garrett Fowler : Come on! Are you kidding me? We, the LAPD, are gonna give wobblies guns?

• Garrett Fowler : I'm not doing this. I will not wipe drool and spend three hours a day explaining ceiling fans.

  Captain Wynn : You *are* gonna do this! Or am I gonna put you in a parking lot, chasing skateboarders from a fucking golf cart!

  Garrett Fowler : So I'm boned.

  Captain Wynn : Like a skeleton getting a lap dance.

• Captain Wynn : You look liked fried ass.

  Garrett Fowler : Yeah, because of this, I was up all night flirting with suicide.

  Captain Wynn : Flirting? You gotta follow through.

• Captain Wynn : All right, come on, you ready for this?

  Garrett Fowler : You know what, sir? Yeah, I'm ready for this. Sure, you know why? 'Cause I was born ready.

  [seeing the group of waiting cadets] 

  Garrett Fowler : Holy shit.

  Captain Wynn : Make good choices.

• Captain Wynn : We got four yet?

  Garrett Fowler : Three. And if that is the cream of God's genetic misfires, then God is a vengeful prick. Really Old Testament.

• Captain Wynn : You, come in tomorrow sober enough to fight Rain Man.

  Garrett Fowler : You think he could count cards?

  Captain Wynn : Ah, you're a scumbag.

• Tara Small : I want them in front of the camera talking about how great this department is.

  Garrett Fowler : Hell, no. They're about to be undercover detectives. We can't put their pictures on television. That would be... that would be retarded.

  Captain Wynn : He's got a point, Mayor. We can't do it.

  Tara Small : If you were mayor, you'd do it.

  Captain Wynn : You're right, I'd do it.

  Garrett Fowler : We can't do it!

  Tara Small : I want those little spazzies in the press room in five, or I will set you both on fire!