- Johnny Carson: [on Jim Fowler] He brought a baboon on the show, and it got loose in the halls of NBC. And before the baboon was captured, he'd sold three story outlines to "Sheriff Lobo".
- Johnny Carson: [on Ted Kennedy's presidential run] He has strong support from the governor of Chicago, who is Jane Byrne. But meanwhile, Richard Daley is keeping his options open... Daley's holding out 'til the - the dead vote, until the convention. Then he may... See, Mayor Daley passed away... like I just did.
- Johnny Carson: [showing a photo of Anwar Sadat with President Carter] "I don't know what they put in this pipe, but I'm starting to like Begin."
- Johnny Carson: [showing a photo of Ted Kennedy with Pope John Paul II] "You mean I have to say three hundred Hail Marys because I lost Iowa?"
- Johnny Carson: [showing a photo of Jerry Brown with Linda Ronstadt] "I didn't say you *would* be First Lady; I said you were my first lady."
- Johnny Carson: [showing a photo of President Carter with Dolly Parton] "Yes, Dolly, you're right - you *should* be allowed to vote twice."
- Michael Landon: [on coloring his hair] The only embarrassing thing is when you're in hotels, and so forth. You use it - if you use medium ash brown, you put it in your hair, you leave it in for 35 minutes, and you take a shower. But it comes out, you know, for about the next three days, a little bit at a time - and you end up with a lot of brown towels in your room. So...
- Johnny Carson: A little embarrassing.
- Michael Landon: No, I just leave the bottle on top.
- Paul Ehrlich: [on nuclear weapons] We don't want the Ayatollah to have one, one minute before, uh, he has to - right? Uh, there's even a small chance we could keep it away from him, he might disappear before he gets one; I think that would be nice.
- Paul Ehrlich: Americans are now concerned, uh, what do we do about immigrants? And this is a very serious and complex problem, because we - we compassionately want to let people into the country; at the same time, if you - like every sensible American - realize that we have to have a finite population size, you have to stop growing sometime. We have to decide how many people we want. Once you've reached ZPG, and you want to hold it there, every time you let in an immigrant, you're trading off a birth. In other words, if you don't want it to grow, you're gonna have so many immigrants plus births.
- Johnny Carson: Right.
- Paul Ehrlich: And so every additional immigrant means a birth you're gonna forgo, or every additional birth is gonna be some refugee you're not gonna let in. And we really need a national debate on this entire issue.