Real Time with Bill Maher (TV Series)

Episode #14.22 (2016)

Jim Gaffigan: Self - Guest

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : Republicans claimed cap and trade would drive up utility bills, but our electricity tab is now among the cheapest in the country. And I ought to know, because I use a lot of juice in my basement to grow my... orchids.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : My orchids.

  Himself - Guest : Orchids. They're pretty.

  Himself - Host : Yeah. California... California gave illegal immigrants driver's licenses and college tuition, and conservatives said encouraging immigrants like that would destroy the economy. But it didn't. Immigrants just take jobs Americans don't want to do, like raising their children.

  [cheers and applause] 

  Himself - Host : So... so maybe... maybe we are being invaded by Latinos and Asians, but it's not making us weaker. It's making us hotter.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : We did all the stuff conservatives warned us would make things even worse, but the sky didn't fall. Unemployment did. And growth shot up to over 4%. And a $26 billion deficit became an $11 billion surplus.

  [cheers and applause] 

  Himself - Host : For a rainy day, whatever that is. And that is mostly because we, horror of horrors, raised taxes on the rich. Fox News said we were insane, that the rich would flee the state. I mean, what does Laguna Beach have for the wealthy that they can't find in Nebraska?

  [laughter as a picture of an outhouse in the snow is shown] 

  Himself - Host : Folks, if states are laboratories of democracy, why are we wasting time replicating failed experiments? I thought the idea behind science is that you try something, and if it doesn't work, you try something else. You run these experiments so you can see which ones work, and the ones that do are replicated to other states. And the ones that don't are sent to Florida.