Bad Black (2016)

Alan Hofmanis: Muzungu

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doctor Ssali : Don't fuck with Americans.

• V.J. Emmie : Back to Alan Ssali, Muzungu Muganda.

  Wesley Snipes : People have been waiting for you.

  [Doctor Ssali and Wesley enter the tent] 

  Wesley Snipes : Doctor, what's wrong?

  Doctor Ssali : Well, I met a woman, and she stole everything. She stole my money, she stole my passport. I went to the police. They're not gonna do anything. And I don't know what to do.

  Wesley Snipes : You should not go to the police. You are a Commando.

  Doctor Ssali : I'm not a Commando. I'm a doctor. I'm not a Commando. So I don't know what to do.

  Wesley Snipes : Your father was a Commando. It is in your blood. You are Commando. If you can't train yourself, I can train you.

  Doctor Ssali : How can you train me? I'm a doctor. I don't know anything.

  [Wesley slaps Doctor Ssali in the face] 

  V.J. Emmie : First lesson.

• [Wesley is dressed in Commando gear and holding a bamboo gun] 

  V.J. Emmie : What da hell?

  Wesley Snipes : Are you ready? Time for action. Let's go!

  [Wesley charges at Doctor Ssali with his bamboo gun] 

  Doctor Ssali : What the hell, man?

  Wesley Snipes : Run! Run!

  V.J. Emmie : You have to be a Commando! You have to learn to fight for yourself! Forget your wife in America. She hates you!

  [Doctor Ssali falls into a ditch] 

  Wesley Snipes : Run!

  V.J. Emmie : That, my friend, was poo poo. For real. This is Uganda. Poo poo everywhere.

  [Wesley continues to chase Doctor Ssali] 

  V.J. Emmie : You don't want to be a Commando? Yet, your brother is a Commando. You even have...

  Wesley Snipes : Dodge!

  [Wesley uses his slingshot to shoot a rock at Doctor Ssali's face] 

  Doctor Ssali : I'm a doctor, dammit!

  V.J. Emmie : A Commando dog. Just leave me alone!

  [Doctor Ssali catches his breath, thinking he has lost Wesley. He suddenly notices something behind a fence] 

  V.J. Emmie : Huh? What's this?

  [Several other boys point their crossbows at Doctor Ssali and shoot rocks at him. He tries to run away, but is cornered by Wesley] 

  V.J. Emmie : Oh no! Not again!

  [Wesley and the street children chase after Doctor Ssali] 

  V.J. Emmie : Get him! Get Muzungu!

  V.J. Emmie : Wait, wait, wait!

  Doctor Ssali : Oh my God! Oh my God!

  V.J. Emmie : Eat da Muzungu! Cook him alive! He must be delicious!

  V.J. Emmie : They're gonna kill me! Somebody help me!

• [Wesley teaches Doctor Ssali kung fu] 

  V.J. Emmie : Master. Da Kung Fu Master. Hello!

  [Wesley does a cartwheel] 

  V.J. Emmie : The Karate Kid.

  [Wesley points at Doctor Ssali's stomach] 

  Wesley Snipes : What is this?

  Doctor Ssali : I don't know. Some matoke. Maybe some candy bars. You know.

  V.J. Emmie : Are you stupid?

  [Wesley slaps Doctor Ssali's stomach] 

  Wesley Snipes : Push ups!

  V.J. Emmie : Miyagi Supa Tough!

  Wesley Snipes : Down, down, down. Push ups.

  V.J. Emmie : Do it.

  [They both start doing push ups] 

  V.J. Emmie : The Ugandan Miyagi.

  Wesley Snipes : One.

  [Wesley slaps Doctor Ssali in the back] 

  Wesley Snipes : Two.

  Doctor Ssali : That is two. That is two.

  [Wesley gets on Doctor Ssali's back] 

  Wesley Snipes : Three.

  Doctor Ssali : Okay! Okay! Ow!