- Bill Maher - Host: Before we go any further, I know what the people on the nerd line are thinking. "Oh, Bill, how can you say the iPhone 7 is the same as the 6? The old phone had an A9 processor and a camera with an aperture of 2.2, and the new one has an A10 and a 1.8." Sorry, not sorry. "And the old phone weighed 140 grams, the new one 138." I guess you could keep lugging around a 140 gram phone if you want your ass to stick out like Blac Chyna.
- [laughter]
- Bill Maher - Host: You like the way I channeled the nerd in my head? Okay.
- Neera Tanden - Panelist: Yeah.
- Bill Maher - Host: All right.
- Neera Tanden - Panelist: So you.
- Bill Maher - Host: I get it. I get it. The new phone, a thing of wonder. They made the camera work better in low light, which, let's face it, is only going to encourage Anthony Weiner.
- [laughter]
- Bill Maher - Host: But... but the question I'm asking is do your friends really need clearer pictures of your lunch? You've already got in your hand a device that has all your e-mail, all your music, the Internet, GPS, takes pictures, gets you laid, gets you a car and driver when you're drunk, films cops when they shoot you, and oh yeah, it's a phone.
- [laughter]
- Bill Maher - Host: It does everything but scratch your nuts for you, and I'm sure there's an app for that. It has Pokémon Go and Grindr, an app which enables guys to poke 'em on and go.
- [laughter]
- Bill Maher - Host: So why do I keep seeing headlines like "Why Apple needs a new hit", "The bad news on Apple's stock is only beginning", "Is a new iPhone enough to snap Apple's sales slump?"? Sales slump? Since 2007, that phone has made over $621 billion. To put that into perspective, take the amount of money Donald Trump has given to charity and add $621 billion.
- Bill Maher - Host: Americans keep asking "Why doesn't our economy work for people like me?". Because it's not designed to. Because somewhere along the way, we bought into this insane idea that everything always has to get bigger, especially sales. Having a really good year, and then just repeating it, not good enough. In corporate America, the stock market is the tail that wags the dog. Growth, growth, holy growth is the only thing that ever matters. Better than last quarter, beat expectations, eat more hamburgers. For Apple, revolutionizing the world wasn't enough; "that was last quarter!". And it's not just them, it's every company. Did you ever wonder, for example, why shaving needs to keep reinventing itself? Men used to shave with a sharp rock, and Keanu Reeves still does.
- [laughter]
- Bill Maher - Host: Then there was the straight razor. Then the single blade, then the double blade razor. Three blades, and now the Quatro. Let me tell you something: if you've got something on your face that doesn't come off after three blades, that's not a whisker; that's a tumor.