- Sheldon Cooper: Enjoy having the place to yourselves.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You enjoy your mission to boldly go where no man has gone before.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's Penny's bedroom; plenty of men have gone before.
- Penny Hofstadter: Now, now, there's no need to make this emotional.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Comfy?
- Sheldon Cooper: [referring to Penny's bed] Oh, I'm just happy I don't know what this memory foam remembers.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I understand your apprehension, but let me appeal to the scientist in you. Given the five-week end-date, isn't it the perfect opportunity to consider this an experiment and collect data on our compatibility?
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't try luring me in with sexy talk.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, Star Trek the Original Series. The Starship Enterprise was on a five year mission to explore new worlds. Think of this as your personal five week mission to do the same.
- Sheldon Cooper: Now, if you want to lure me in with sexy talk, that's how you do it.
- [Leonard smiles smugly]
- Penny Hofstadter: Don't be proud of that.
- [first lines]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And there was water everywhere; it was such a mess.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That stinks; how long are you out of the apartment?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: About five weeks.
- Penny Hofstadter: Ugh, did you lose anything valuable?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, the pipe was over my closet, so all my clothes are gone.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, so nothing. Great. Do they know why the pipe burst?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: They didn't say.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Buildings that have a combination of copper and galvanized steel are susceptible to pinholes and corrosion caused by the mobility of ions in the water.
- [the girls stare at him]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Can't have your head shoved in a toilet as much as I did and not pick up a few things about plumbing.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You sure that's not an inconvenience?
- Penny Hofstadter: No, not at all.
- Leonard Hofstadter: And we live with Sheldon, so the word inconvenience has really lost all meaning.
- Sheldon Cooper: What if living together kills the romance?
- Penny Hofstadter: OK; you guys had sex one whole time; nothing can put out a fire like that.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm so sore; I don't think I slept two minutes last night.
- Penny Hofstadter: [Penny grins] Yeah, get it, girl.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It's not what you think.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Leonard enters] I feel like I pulled something. Why didn't you tell me to stop?
- Penny Hofstadter: Even more not what you think.
- [last lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: How dare you!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, you heard me. Your experimental bone fides are laughable;
- Sheldon Cooper: Whoa, now you're making fun of my bone fides!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Can't make fun of something that's a null set.
- Penny Hofstadter: Feel like I should say 'damn',
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do it.
- Penny Hofstadter: Daaaaaamn!
- Sheldon Cooper: Weh, if you are so protective of the scientific method, perhaps we should use the next five weeks to finish what we started!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, for science, maybe I will!
- Sheldon Cooper: For science, maybe you should!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Fine!
- Sheldon Cooper: Fine!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Good!
- Sheldon Cooper: Great!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Do you want to go to our place and make out?
- Sheldon Cooper: Does Stephen Hawking roll through the quad?
- [they storm out]
- Penny Hofstadter: The new neighbors are weird.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You've been Sheldon's roommate since forever. Do you have any advice?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm trying to think of an answer that won't stop you from doing this.
- Raj Koothrappali: I have to say, I am happy with your OBGYN.
- Howard Wolowitz: Cool, cause she said you're doing a great job as "weird friend who doesn't have to be in every appointment".
- Raj Koothrappali: I'm the son of a gynecologist. I could be helpful.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: It would help if you stop telling me I have a textbook cervix.
- Raj Koothrappali: The polite response is "Thank you for noticing."
- Penny Hofstadter: So what do you wanna do?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Takes off his shirt] I know exactly what we're gonna do.
- Penny Hofstadter: Really? You're a genius and that's the first thing you come up with?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, Sheldon's not here, so we're going to put on some music and dance in our underwear.
- Penny Hofstadter: Ugh, can't we just have sex?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Don't worry. Once you see my sweet moves, sex is inevitable.
- [Drops his pants and dances to Chuck Berry's "C'est la Vie"]
- Penny Hofstadter: Inevitable, you say?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'll just let my hips do the talking.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes. I accept this five-week mission to share a living space with my girlfriend.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, this is so exciting!
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, now don't be surprised if like Star Trek, it's canceled in three.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, historically, I don't do well with change.
- Penny Hofstadter: Okay, it won't be that bad. We wouldn't even sit in your spot while you're gone.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're darn right, you wouldn't. No matter where I am, this will always be my spot. Like an embassy in a foreign country, this seat is the sovereign soil of my bottom.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: If you don't want to snuggle, fine, but we're not building a pillow wall.
- Sheldon Cooper: But, uh, well uh, I am sorry; I am just worried that my sensitivity to temperature could make this a rough night. And no offence, but your bottom radiates enough heat I'm surprised there aren't iguanas lying on it.