Quotes
Erma Bombeck/Jean Marsh/Charlie Callas/Governor Jerry Brown
The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
- Johnny Carson: [on comedians picketing The Laugh Factory] Seeing comedians on strike is a weird sight. They're walkin' around with signs - and the demonstrators became unruly today. And the police riot squad had to show up, and they fired two warning pies over their heads.
- Johnny Carson: This is Governor Brown's first visit to our show. The governor told me he would have come sooner, had he known the price of a ticket.
- Johnny Carson: [on the previous day's accident at Three Mile Island] The government just ordered the nuclear power plant in Pennsylvania moved to Cleveland, in order to solve both problems.
- Jerry Brown: The idea of a balanced budget is utterly simple: Either raise the taxes to pay for the programs, or cut out the programs that the people won't pay taxes for.
- Jerry Brown: Right here, in - in, uh - in our Medicaid program in the state, we give the equivalent of twelve hundred dollars a person. And often these programs are what I call part of the guilt and greed coalition.
- Jean Marsh: [on her unusual dress] There are many things, I think, that you could do with it.
- Johnny Carson: One of 'em would be to hang it on my bedstead.
- Jean Marsh: All the skills I have - um, riding a horse, diving, skiing - everything I learned because I said, "Yes, I can," and then had to go off and do it.
- Charlie Callas: [on his fantasy] I'm on stage before Frank Sinatra. And I go out, and I kill 'em - I mean, it's really a hot night.
- Johnny Carson: Right.
- Charlie Callas: Now, Frank comes out to sing, and the people are screaming, "We want Callas! We want Callas!"... So I have to run out and say, "Whoa - hold it; let the man sing. Like, cool it, folks. I know you li-... Frank finish the song." I come on, and I kill it. Now, I told Jilly about this fantasy - you know, Frank Sinatra's very good friend Jilly; I told him about this. He said, "That's funny, because Frank Sinatra has a fantasy about you, too." I said, "What is it?" He said, "Well, Frank has this fantasy that he's dancing on my face."
- Erma Bombeck: [on child-proof caps and packaging] I used to have a - a toddler that I - used to come over from time to time; I'd say, "Would - would you give this one a shot?" You know, and give it a... Finally, one day he said to me, "Mrs. Bombeck, how - how come you - you know, when are you gonna learn to handle this, you know?" He said, "Well, what's gonna happen when your kids grow up and move away some of these days?" And I said, "I don't plan on having headaches at that time."
- Erma Bombeck: [on leftovers] We move it from the third, uh, shelf of the refrigerator up to the second, and then finally up to the third. It has to take its time, and - and - and ripen. And... and *then* we throw it away.