Ash vs Evil Dead (TV Series)
Family (2018)
Bruce Campbell: Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams
Photos
Quotes
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Candace Barr : Son of a bitch!
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Hey, whoa! Lady! There's a line!
Candace Barr : Wha-? You don't even remember me?
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Well, the old steel trap never forgets a rack, but faces are a little fuzzy. Give me a hint.
[Candace punches Ash]
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : I said a hint.
Candace Barr : I'm your fucking wife!
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Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : The ink on my buddy went nuclear, that means evil is just around the corner. So your little peach could be a bowel-sucking hell beast.
Brandy Barr : Mom, what's the chainsaw geek doing here?
Candace Barr : Oh, honey, uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but Ash, he's... he's ah... he's your...
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : What she's trying to say, I'm your pop. Father dearest. The old sperm shooter.
Brandy Barr : What?
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : But you can call me Dad, unless you're a Deadite, then you can go fuck yourself.
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Kelly Maxwell : Who's the kid?
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Oh, believe it or not, that's my daughter. Sandy. Ah, Mandy.
Brandy Barr : Brandy.
[sobbing]
Brandy Barr : And fuck you.
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : We're still getting to know each other.
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Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Suck on that, Harpo.
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Pablo Simon Bolivar : You know, I've never seen a town lose its shit over a hardware store before.
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Well, it's time to wake up and smell the lightly scented wax flowers, Pablo. This isn't just a well-stocked hardware store/sex-toy emporium. No, this is a shrine to a local hero. Those adoring fans are my peeps!
[waves at the townspeople]
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Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Wait a minute. Candace Barr. Oh no, Candy Barr? Well, this daughter of ours, I bet she thinks I'm pretty special, huh?
Candace Barr : Dream on. I told her her old man was some crack dealer who got shanked in prison.
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : What?
Candace Barr : Well, it was easier than admitting I'd hooked up with psycho saw-boy!
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Oh, okay, but I call B.S. I was using my lucky rubber all through the odds, and that sucker went 50 and 0.
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Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams : Blow.
[shoots the trombone]