"Fanny und die gestohlene Frau", which means "Fanny and the Stolen Woman" is a German television film from 2016, so slightly under five years old now and this one runs for almost 1.5 hours just like they usually do. Director Mark Monheim has been making films since the old millennium already, but is still fairly young taking this into account. He is also certainly not the most prolific filmmaker. But his body of work is tolerable, definitely better than the one of writer Thomas Oliver Walendy, especially if we focus on what the latter did in the 2010s. A history of garbage. This film fits the description as well. Apparently, this is one of two Fanny films starring Jutta Speidel that were released at the same time. I think this is the second from the bunch and I am pretty sure nonetheless that the first was already one too many. This one here definitely is and never should have been made. Let alone shown on national television at such a great slot as you can see on the poster here. I am talking about the original airing and not the time in the afternoon when the film is running now two or three times a year just like it did today. The person you see on the photo is reason enough too to be sure that it sucks. I am talking about the aforementioned Jutta Speidel. Yes, she is this horrible. I have seen several films with her and she is always bad. It is shocking how they cast her in the lead so many times because she has zero range and versatility and always plays the exact same character. Unbearable to watch. Even calling her an actress, is demeaning to every other actress on the planet. Well, except Simone Thomalla and Christine Neubauer perhaps. German film buffs will understand this reference. Now as for this film here, they definitely made sure to get Speidel in the tightest jeans out there that peaople are at least distracted from her somewhat decent body shape (for her age) and don't pay too much attention to the fact that she could not act a convincing scene if her life depended on it. The best example is really when she gives us her smug grin that shows us ho she is really full of herself. Or her character is. Tough to watch. But there are many other moments. One example would be the recurring scenes in which she is talking to the spirit of a deceased character that only she can see. Or the generally cringeworthy idea that she initially treates her disabled half-brother like crap and then, the longer the film goes, the more she cares for him because obviously, as always, we are supposed to see her as a likable character. Also, of course, there are several male characters after her, so we don't forget how attractive she looks (for her age). I mean this is really for everybody who does not know about her long-term relationship with that Italien coffee salesman. In real life.
The one scene where the film and Speidel really hit rock bottom was when Speidel and her potential love interest enter the stage and sing a song by Johnny Cash and June Carter. I dearly love these two. With all my heart. Especially Johnny. And the guy here was also tolerable I guess. Not good, but I could deal with it. However, Speidel's Carter impersonation made me almost physically sick. And we were supposed to see this duet as a moment of fun, a moment of intimacy, a moment of togetherness that was supposed to show us how the two characters really fit together. I felt no such thing. I just wanted it to be over. I mean I never switch off the television, but this scene alone would have deserved it. Enough on Speidel now, you get the message. By the way, the way how she was written was also really bad and sometimes even completely wrong. Not only was the scene when she gets all that money from the bank (and her delight) very cringeworthy, but also not accurate. You cannot withdraw thousands and thousands of bucks withhin hours here in Germany. Can't believe they did not know that and nobody recognized this factual error. There is a limit. And I know that despite not being a finance expert or anything. Anyway, instead a few words on the supporting cast now: Jennifer Ulrich's character is likable because she does not like Fanny. And she is pretty hot and I found Ulrich more attractive than I usually do (especially the earlier scenes outside the courtroom), but the performance is also nothing to be proud of. Ulrich simply is not a good actress either and it is visible here once more. Not as terrible as Speidel though. Lena Stolze I feel really sorry for that she has to appear in films like this one playing nothing characters nowadays apparently to make a living, especially if we take a look at how once she was a leading actress in Oscar-nominated movies. A bit of a female equivalent to Vogler on the male side. He is not in this movie though. Then again, nobody forces them to accept these roles, so my sympathy is maybe a bit exaggerated here. Still sucks. To end the review on a high note with maybe the only somewhat nice aspect about this movie, I want to say that I liked what Dennis Mojen made with his performance as a disabled man. In contrast to Speidel getting us one cringeworthy scene after the next, also how she bribes the policemen, he played his part well. Also nice comedic timing for example when he asks for some kind of food on his table that he despises eventually, but it has to be there because it always is. I even laughed a bit there. Still, the ending for his character is also a travesty as they felt the need to rush in some forced romance idea all of a sudden. The writing is really terrible here, especially in terms of character development, but also in terms of (who we are supposed to see as ) the main antagonist. This is another ARD Degeto film you want to skip 100%. Highly not recommended. Shame on ARD for forcing us to pay double-digit amounts of money every single month for low-quality trash like this to be made. And saying the sum (i.e. scam) still needs to increase. Boo! Also by the way, it feels as if they were not even trying with this film anymore. Not just because of how poor all the production values are (also the soundtrack), but what is up with the title? It sounds like a mystery movie about a missing character, but it is no such thing. The title makes no sense at all unless you use an interpretation as free as it gets in order to get any sense in it. I guess they just used it because of how mysterious it sounds? Also the photo here: As if Speidel's character is secretly sneaking into a house to find and free an abducted woman. No such thing in the movie though. It's all lies and make-believe. Stay far, far away.
The one scene where the film and Speidel really hit rock bottom was when Speidel and her potential love interest enter the stage and sing a song by Johnny Cash and June Carter. I dearly love these two. With all my heart. Especially Johnny. And the guy here was also tolerable I guess. Not good, but I could deal with it. However, Speidel's Carter impersonation made me almost physically sick. And we were supposed to see this duet as a moment of fun, a moment of intimacy, a moment of togetherness that was supposed to show us how the two characters really fit together. I felt no such thing. I just wanted it to be over. I mean I never switch off the television, but this scene alone would have deserved it. Enough on Speidel now, you get the message. By the way, the way how she was written was also really bad and sometimes even completely wrong. Not only was the scene when she gets all that money from the bank (and her delight) very cringeworthy, but also not accurate. You cannot withdraw thousands and thousands of bucks withhin hours here in Germany. Can't believe they did not know that and nobody recognized this factual error. There is a limit. And I know that despite not being a finance expert or anything. Anyway, instead a few words on the supporting cast now: Jennifer Ulrich's character is likable because she does not like Fanny. And she is pretty hot and I found Ulrich more attractive than I usually do (especially the earlier scenes outside the courtroom), but the performance is also nothing to be proud of. Ulrich simply is not a good actress either and it is visible here once more. Not as terrible as Speidel though. Lena Stolze I feel really sorry for that she has to appear in films like this one playing nothing characters nowadays apparently to make a living, especially if we take a look at how once she was a leading actress in Oscar-nominated movies. A bit of a female equivalent to Vogler on the male side. He is not in this movie though. Then again, nobody forces them to accept these roles, so my sympathy is maybe a bit exaggerated here. Still sucks. To end the review on a high note with maybe the only somewhat nice aspect about this movie, I want to say that I liked what Dennis Mojen made with his performance as a disabled man. In contrast to Speidel getting us one cringeworthy scene after the next, also how she bribes the policemen, he played his part well. Also nice comedic timing for example when he asks for some kind of food on his table that he despises eventually, but it has to be there because it always is. I even laughed a bit there. Still, the ending for his character is also a travesty as they felt the need to rush in some forced romance idea all of a sudden. The writing is really terrible here, especially in terms of character development, but also in terms of (who we are supposed to see as ) the main antagonist. This is another ARD Degeto film you want to skip 100%. Highly not recommended. Shame on ARD for forcing us to pay double-digit amounts of money every single month for low-quality trash like this to be made. And saying the sum (i.e. scam) still needs to increase. Boo! Also by the way, it feels as if they were not even trying with this film anymore. Not just because of how poor all the production values are (also the soundtrack), but what is up with the title? It sounds like a mystery movie about a missing character, but it is no such thing. The title makes no sense at all unless you use an interpretation as free as it gets in order to get any sense in it. I guess they just used it because of how mysterious it sounds? Also the photo here: As if Speidel's character is secretly sneaking into a house to find and free an abducted woman. No such thing in the movie though. It's all lies and make-believe. Stay far, far away.