Lucifer (TV Series)
Welcome Back, Charlotte Richards (2017)
Tom Ellis: Lucifer Morningstar
Photos
Quotes
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Lucifer Morningstar : What in Dad's name are you doing?
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Lucifer Morningstar : You give your child money every time she swears? Oh, bravo, Detective.
Chloe Decker : No, no, no. She pays for every bad word she says.
Lucifer Morningstar : Ah, well, then I'm even more impressed.
Chloe Decker : Really? Thank you, Lucifer.
Lucifer Morningstar : Impressed that you extort money from your offspring. I mean, what a ridiculous idea.
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Chloe Decker : That was Trixie's school calling. Apparently, she's been using some very creative language today.
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh. Do tell.
Chloe Decker : Well, she called her math homework a "cluster duck" and her teacher a "mother flunker".
Lucifer Morningstar : [amused] Did she not call anyone a "sock sucker"?
[Chloe looks at him, pissed]
Lucifer Morningstar : What? It's just someone who sucks socks.
Chloe Decker : I can't believe you're teaching my daughter loophole swear words.
Lucifer Morningstar : In my defense, "mother flunker" was entirely the little deviant's creation. And very clever of her, I might add.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Charlotte, where are you going?
Charlotte : To join the Peace Corps, donate my entire savings to an orphanage, or build a shelter for blind, one-legged puppies.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, as long as you're not being over-dramatic.
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Chloe Decker : Can you give us the access to your security footage?
Lalo Vasquez : That's above my pay grade. You'd have to talk to the big man upstairs.
Lucifer Morningstar : God?
Lalo Vasquez : Uh, no. The company's owner.
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Chloe Decker : Ella's working on cause of death.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, he obviously drowned in this vat of semen.
Chloe Decker : It's pudding, Lucifer.
Lucifer Morningstar : Sure, I've heard it called that, too.
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Chloe Decker : Did you bring the tapes?
Adrian Yates : Sorry, but no.
Chloe Decker : What? Why not?
Charlotte : [entering the conference room] Because I told him not to. I'm Mr. Yates' attorney and the LAPD isn't laying a finger on those tapes.
Lucifer Morningstar : [surprised] Mum?
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Charlotte : For the first time since I woke up on that beach, I thought, "Finally, something that makes sense. Of course I'm sleeping with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome." Uh... uh... But now you're saying that's not... not even that's the case?
Lucifer Morningstar : Look, I can assure you that you and I have not or will not ever, ever, ever... sleep together.
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Lucifer Morningstar : [last lines]
Lucifer Morningstar : Welcome back, Charlotte Richards.
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Chloe Decker : Excuse me, Grace Foley?
Grace Foley : Wha-- why are your clothes still on?
Lucifer Morningstar : I ask myself that all the time.
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Chloe Decker : They're shooting their ad campaign here on Stage 69.
Lucifer Morningstar : [On his phone, not listening] Mm-hmm.
Chloe Decker : Should be just past the creepy flasher.
Lucifer Morningstar : That's nice.
Chloe Decker : Lucifer, I know you're not listening to me. Creepy flasher? Stage 69?
Lucifer Morningstar : [Looks up] 69? What-- where?
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Lucifer Morningstar : What's your greatest desire?
Grace Foley : My greatest desire... is to stop shooting this exploitative garbage.
Lucifer Morningstar : Garbage? What are you talking about? What you're doing is art.
Chloe Decker : Is it, though?
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, despite the unwelcome reminder of Dad and my wings, I've never wanted pudding more in my life.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Dad be damned.
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Lucifer Morningstar : You parents, always with your lessons. Or as I like to call them, mind games. Well, I'm about to get to the bottom of my Father's latest.
[Enters interrogation room]
Lucifer Morningstar : It's Charlotte time!
[Sees middle-aged man]
Lucifer Morningstar : You're not Charlotte.
Larry : And yet people get us confused, like, all the time.