- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, when I was a little girl, I used to dream about my wedding. But, eventually, I stopped, because I thought that day would never come. And then I met you. From the first moment in that coffee shop, I knew that there was something special between us, even though I did work on a study that disproved love at first sight.
- Sheldon Cooper: I loved that study the moment I read it. Ironic, huh?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Clearly, it was wrong. Because I felt something that day, and those feelings have only gotten stronger with time. I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now. But I felt that way yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Is that growth linear or accelerating?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Accelerating.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, maybe we could graph it out.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Save something for the honeymoon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Smart.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I've never been happier than I am in this moment marrying you.
- Mark Hamill: [choking up] Well, that was unexpectedly beautiful. I might need a minute.
- Mary Cooper: Let me straighten your tie.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, no, no, it's all right. It's supposed to be a little asymmetrical. Apparently, a small flaw somehow improves it.
- Mary Cooper: I can see that. Sometime's it's the... imperfect stuff that makes things perfect.
- Sheldon Cooper: [a thought strikes him] Excuse me.
- [he hurries out of the room]
- Mary Cooper: Case in point.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I-I think it's more like, uh, "Lord of the Rings", and you're the Fellowship. Uh, someone's got to go to Gondor, someone's got to go to Mordor, someone's got to hold off the demon of shadow and flame.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You mean the Balrog?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I mean my mother.
- Sheldon Cooper: That is a perfect metaphor, Amy.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Thank you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Because it also involves a ring that binds me in servitude forever.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [to Penny, touched] Aw, he said "forever."
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So, are you feeling okay? No wedding jitters?
- Sheldon Cooper: No. There is nothing in the world that would stop me from marrying you tomorrow, even me from the future coming back to prevent the wedding and the subsequent birth of a child who will destroy humanity.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Because if you came from the future, that would mean you already went through with the wedding because you believe that time travel is on a closed loop.
- Sheldon Cooper: I love you so damn much.
- Mary Cooper: I wish your dad could see you now.
- Sheldon Cooper: Me, too. I miss him.
- Mary Cooper: He would be so proud of you. I know that I am.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thank you. I mean, for everything. My whole life.
- Mary Cooper: Oh.
- [She and Sheldon embrace with tears]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [seeing Mark Hamill] I thought Wil was marrying us.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wolowitz got us an upgrade.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Another sci-fi guy with a beard. Seems lateral, but okay.
- Mark Hamill: Thank you so much for finding this guy. Oh, my goodness. Hey, Bark. How are you, buddy?
- Howard Wolowitz: Y-Your dog's name is Bark?
- Mark Hamill: Yeah.
- Howard Wolowitz: Bark Hamill?
- Mark Hamill: Yeah. Well, I let the fans name him online. I got lucky, though. He was almost Honey Baked Hamill. Anyway, thank you so much. I-I want to give you a reward for finding him.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, no, I couldn't take your money. It's just an honor to meet you.
- Mark Hamill: No. No, please. You don't know what this dog means to me, and I thought he was gone for good. Please? There must be something I can do for you. Anything.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, you're gonna regret that.
- Mark Hamill: Then by the power vested in me by evenyoucanperformweddings.com, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
- Stuart Bloom: Hey, dude.
- Denise: Dude?
- Stuart Bloom: Yeah, you know, just want you to know that I don't think of you as a woman.
- Denise: Oh, perfect. I don't think of you as a man.
- Stuart Bloom: Great. So, as two genderless blobs of human flesh, how would you like to go to Sheldon and Amy's wedding with me?
- Denise: Oh, Stuart. Look, I appreciate that, but it just might be a little weird, considering you're my boss.
- Howard Wolowitz: [entering] Guess who's gonna officiate Sheldon and Amy's wedding! Mark Hamill! Luke Skywalker is gonna be at the wedding!
- Denise: [to Stuart] You'll need to buy me a dress.
- Mrs. Fowler: This is taking too long. I bet that Sheldon stood my baby up.
- [She gets up to leave]
- Penny Hofstadter: Uh, excuse me. Where-where are you going?
- Mrs. Fowler: This whole thing was a big mistake. I'm gonna find Amy and get her out of here.
- Penny Hofstadter: [Firmly, pointing to her chair] Sit down!
- Mrs. Fowler: [walks closer to her] Excuse me?
- Penny Hofstadter: Sheldon loves Amy, and he would never hurt her on her wedding day, or *any* other day,
- [points at her chair again]
- Penny Hofstadter: so *park it*.
- [Mrs. Fowler sits down; Mary stands and begins a slow hand clap]
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, you siddown, too.
- Mrs. Fowler: [to Larry] Are you going to let her talk to me like that? Well, say something!
- Larry Fowler: [to Penny, quietly] Thank you.
- Mary Cooper: Thank you again for picking us up.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, my pleasure, Mrs. Cooper.
- Mary Cooper: You know, our driver to the airport was also an Indian fella.
- Missy: Mom...
- Mary Cooper: Oh, so now it's racist to notice when somebody's Indian.
- Raj Koothrappali: I don't think it's racist. I noticed you were both white.
- Mary Cooper: You'll have to excuse her. She's just pregnant and hormonal.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, yeah, congratulations on baby number two.
- Missy: [sarcastic] Yeah. Whoopie.
- Mary Cooper: Her husband would be here, but he stayed home to watch their older son, so e-everything's fine.
- Missy: Stop it.
- [to Raj]
- Missy: We're separated.
- Raj Koothrappali: [his interest piqued] You don't say.
- Sheldon Cooper: [seeing Leonard fighting back tears] Are you having an allergic reaction to my boutonniere?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No. I'm just so happy for you. And for me. After today, you are officially - and more important, legally - Amy's problem.
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't be silly, Leonard. I will always be your problem.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, uh, the bride and groom seem to be running a little behind. Do you think you could stall?
- Mark Hamill: Stall? How?
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, everybody! Uh, it's gonna be a few more minutes, but while we wait, does anyone have any questions about "Star Wars"?
- [a good majority of the wedding guests raise their hands]
- Howard Wolowitz: You got this.
- Sheldon Cooper: So if I make slightly asymmetric knots with sheets in four dimensions, then I can bootstrap the whole idea to a large asymmetry in eleven dimensions.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, maybe even at the initial moment of creation, the fundamental forces lacked symmetry.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [entering] Everyone's waiting. What are you guys doing?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Super asymmetry.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Super asymmetry? Is that a thing?
- Sheldon Cooper: We're inventing it right now.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Don't you think this can wait until...
- [seeing the equations, he grabs a chair and sits down]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hold on. This is interesting.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Why do you keep tying and untying that bow tie?
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't seem to get it even.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, I don't think it's supposed to be even. Sometimes a little asymmetry looks good. In the Renaissance, they called it "sprezzatura."
- Sheldon Cooper: The Renaissance? Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person. At some point, we have to decide how we want to raise the children.
- Penny Hofstadter: Uh, Mr. Fowler, are you okay back there? Do you need more air?
- Mrs. Fowler: [before he can say anything] He's fine. I'm surprised Amy didn't pick us up.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, well, you know, she's pretty busy the day before her wedding.
- Mrs. Fowler: Too busy for her mother? She used to be such a devoted daughter. Now she's just waiting for me to die so she can get my china.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So, you're Sheldon's big brother.
- George Cooper, Jr.: Uh, yeah. He got the brains. I got the bod. And the face and the hair.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I like your accent. Sheldon, did you used to sound like that? Can you still?
- Sheldon Cooper: I can. I will not.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm so glad you made it, Missy. This is my fiancée, Amy. Amy, this is my sister. If I ever need a kidney, this is where you get it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [hugging her] It's so nice to meet you.
- Missy: Aw.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I've always wanted a sister.
- Sheldon Cooper: Really? Why?
- Missy: I love you too, Shelly.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really? Why?
- Penny Hofstadter: [Walking in past everyone, exasperated] Oh my God!
- Mrs. Fowler: [Entering behind her] There's mama's girl.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Hi, mom.
- Mrs. Fowler: [hugging her] Oh! Oh, Larry, look at her! Can you believe our little lamb is finally getting married?
- [before he can speak]
- Mrs. Fowler: He can't believe it. And neither can I.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [they hug again] Hi, dad. How you doing?
- [behind his wife's back, Mr. Fowler pantomimes hanging himself and stops quickly when she turns around]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What the hell is that?
- Howard Wolowitz: Come on, you know this one. It's a... dog. I found him in the back yard. Don't worry, I already called the owner.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Good, 'cause we don't need a dog. We already have two babies, you and Stuart.
- Howard Wolowitz: [the doorbell rings] That's probably him.
- [opening the door, he's stunned to see Mark Hamill]
- Mark Hamill: Hi.
- Howard Wolowitz: I'm gonna need a minute.
- [he shuts the door]
- Howard Wolowitz: [in a high-pitched fanboy shriek] That's Mark Hamill!
- Mrs. Fowler: And did you know that my Amy played Amelia Earhart in the eighth grade?
- Penny Hofstadter: Amy, you never said you were in a school play.
- Mrs. Fowler: Oh, no, no, at home. I'd never let her do a school play. Those kids just take drugs and have intercourse.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Penny holds up her wine glass and Leonard refills it without missing a beat] You know, Amy still does some performing. She and Sheldon do an Internet show about flags.
- Mrs. Fowler: Amy? V-Videos on the Internet? You know what men use those for.
- Raj Koothrappali: If you're talking about "Fun with Flags", I use it to go to sleep.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, you're awfully quiet. Are you okay?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking about string theory. Catch me up. What'd I miss?
- Mrs. Fowler: Are you seeing this, Larry? These are the people I'm gonna have to live with after you're dead.
- Wil Wheaton: So, we finally meet.
- Mark Hamill: I'm sorry, who are you?
- Wil Wheaton: I'm Wil Wheaton. I was supposed to officiate this wedding. I was up all night preparing these notes.
- Mark Hamill: [taking the notebook] Well, thanks so much. It's gonna be a great help.
- Sheldon Cooper: There's something I need to tell you.
- [seeing Amy in her wedding dress]
- Sheldon Cooper: Wow! You look amazing! That's not what I need to tell you. But you do!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What's wrong?
- Sheldon Cooper: Something incredible just happened. Remember when you were telling me about my bow tie and how a little asymmetry is good?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yeah?
- Sheldon Cooper: My equations have been trying to describe an imperfect world, and the only way to do that is to introduce imperfection into the underlying theory.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So, instead of supersymmetry, it would be super asymmetry?
- Sheldon Cooper: [gasp] Super asymmetry. That's it!
- [looking around for a moment]
- Sheldon Cooper: Give me your lipstick.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Just give it to me, you beautiful thing! We have work to do!
- Raj Koothrappali: When you were on the, uh, Wookie home planet, how did you even understand what they were saying?
- Mark Hamill: I don't remember ever being on a Wookie home planet.
- Stuart Bloom: Uh, actually, Luke was on the Wookie home planet, Kashyyyk, in the "Holiday Special" when he helped Chewie get home to his wife.
- Mark Hamill: Chewie had a wife?
- Stuart Bloom: Her name's Malla.
- Denise: Wow, that's impressive.
- Stuart Bloom: [self-appreciative] Yeah.
- George Cooper, Jr.: Hey, uh, I got a question. Why aren't there tires on any of those "Star Wars" vehicles?
- Mark Hamill: I'm sure some of them had tires.
- Stuart Bloom: Uh, actually, they don't. I mean, the HAVw A5 turbo tank has metal gripping wheels, but I wouldn't call them tires.
- Denise: You are so hot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: According to Google, there are zero papers that mention super asymmetry. This is brand-new. No one's thought of it.
- Penny Hofstadter: [entering] What are you lunatics doing?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon had a breakthrough.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, actually, Amy and I had a breakthrough.
- Penny Hofstadter: [sarcastic] Oh, science? Shocking!
- Leonard Hofstadter: You don't understand. This could be really big.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, Penny's right. We have our whole lives to do science together.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Let's get married.
- Penny Hofstadter: [Excited] Alright! It's go time! I am *PUMPED*!
- Mark Hamill: Congratulations on your wedding.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thank you. When this is over, I have 4,000 things for you to sign.
- Mark Hamill: We are gathered here today in the sight of family, friends, and Almighty God.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, that's too religious.
- Mark Hamill: That lady over there made me say it.
- Mary Cooper: [Sheldon and Amy turn to look at her] He heard you, and He can't un-hear you.
- Penny Hofstadter: Now, we got a lot of family coming in tomorrow. I'm gonna need everyone's help. Think of this as one of your comic book movies. There's a bunch of superheroes, each with a different task.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, like the new "Avengers".
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Which one was that?
- Howard Wolowitz: The one you slept through last weekend.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [fondly] Oh, that was a good nap.
- Sheldon Cooper: Amy, you said something about my bow tie that I can't stop thinking about.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Don't you mean...
- [trying to sound like a Texan]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: "Y'all said something 'bout my bow tie." Go on, say it.
- [urging him]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No. Say it.
- Howard Wolowitz: Welcome, Bert. Don't you look nice.
- Bert Kibbler: Yeah. Like a geode, I clean up good.
- Howard Wolowitz: Don't you crack a geode open?
- Bert Kibbler: It's not a perfect metaphor.
- Raj Koothrappali: [seeing Mark Hamill] What is he doing here?
- Howard Wolowitz: I found his dog and guilted him into officiating the wedding. Don't tell Sheldon. It's a surprise.
- Raj Koothrappali: Wait, I-I thought Wil was officiating the wedding.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, so did he.
- Raj Koothrappali: How did he take the news?
- Howard Wolowitz: I'll let you know.
- Penny Hofstadter: All right, Saturday is the big day. A lot of people thought this would never come. I may have been one of those people.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I may have been one of those people.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wait, wait. Are we talking about the wedding?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, yeah, I was definitely one of those people.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That was Wil Wheaton. He's really excited about tomorrow.
- Sheldon Cooper: As am I. If you'd have told me as a child that an actor from "Star Trek" would be officiating my wedding, I would've said, "Ooh, William Shatner?" And, if you'd have said, "No, Wil Wheaton", I'd have said "Well, did you even try William Shatner?" And, if you'd have said, "Yes, but he costs too much money", I'd have said "Ah, well, Wil Wheaton's good, too."
- George Cooper, Jr.: Where's mom?
- Raj Koothrappali: Uh, she wanted to stop by the hotel and freshen up, and then call her pastor to pray for Missy's soul.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, my god. Is that Mark Hamill?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah.
- Bert Kibbler: Oh, my god. Is that...
- Raj Koothrappali: [cutting him off] Bert, go find your seat!
- Sheldon Cooper: [getting tongue-tied] Leonard. That's Mark Ha-Ha-Ha... It's-it's Mark Hami-Ha-Ha...
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yep. Thank Wolowitz. He set it up.
- Mark Hamill: We're here to celebrate the marriage of Sheldon Lee Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler. I had more prepared, but I'm just gonna skip to the rings and vows, since I've been answering your questions for forty-five minutes.
- Stuart Bloom: [quietly to Denise, derisively] Yeah, he answered 'em.
- Sheldon Cooper: Amy... I usually know exactly what to say. But in this moment... I have no words. I guess... I'm overwhelmed by you. In a good way. Not in the elevator in the Haunted Mansion way. Even if I can't tell you now how I feel, I will spend my life showing you how much I love you.
- Mark Hamill: Do you... do you...
- [chokes up]
- Wil Wheaton: Hey, I'm just sayin', I'm here if you need me.
- Mark Hamill: No no no, I got this... Amy, do you take Sheldon for your lawful wedded husband?