- [series last lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: I have a very long and somewhat self-centered speech here. But I'd like to set it aside.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah!
- Howard Wolowitz: Way to go!
- Sheldon Cooper: Because this honor doesn't just belong to me. I wouldn't be up here if it weren't for some very important people in my life. Beginning with my mother, father, meemaw, brother, and sister. And my other family, who I'm so happy to have here with us. Is that Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
- [Sarah waves from her seat next to Raj]
- Sheldon Cooper: I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired, and tolerated not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had. I'd like to ask them to stand.
- [they do so as he acknowledges them]
- Sheldon Cooper: Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali. Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski Wolowitz. Astronaut Howard Wolowitz. And my two dearest friends in the world, Penny Hofstadter... and Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met. He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful. And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.
- Penny Hofstadter: [crying] Thanks, Sheldon. I-I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh. I'm sorry. Don't tell anyone that last thing. That's a secret. Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Penny, Leonard, I apologize if I haven't been the friend you deserve. But I want you to know in my way, I love you all.
- [to Amy]
- Sheldon Cooper: And I love you. Thank you.
- Penny Hofstadter: Leonard, I can't go home. I have to be there for Amy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah. I was thinking that, too. As angry as I am at Sheldon, I still want to see him win that medal.
- Penny Hofstadter: You know, it's so strange. No matter how thoughtless and selfish he is, I still love him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: If you think about it, he has kind of been our practice kid.
- Penny Hofstadter: Like when you make pancakes and the first one comes out a little wonky.
- Leonard Hofstadter: The university prefers "quirky".
- Penny Hofstadter: [throwing up] Okay, that's it for the fish. We'll be back with the meatballs after a short word from our sponsor.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Was Amy suspicious when they had to let your dress out?
- Penny Hofstadter: No. She was so happy, she didn't even question it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Someone's gonna figure it out. Why don't we just tell people?
- Penny Hofstadter: No, it's too early. I haven't even wrapped my head around it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I have. My head is wrapped.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, well... if something else had been wrapped, we wouldn't be in this situation.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You pick up your dresses?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yep. The tailor had to take mine in and let Penny's out. Best day of my life.
- Sheldon Cooper: What about the day you met me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I stand by my statement.
- Sheldon Cooper: [repairing his DNA model] Carbon. Hydrogen. Carbon. Carbon. And last but not least, carbon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: This might be the glue talking, but that was a very pleasurable 139 1/2 hours.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Now, Michael, mommy and daddy are going away for a couple days, so if you're gonna say your first words, you gotta do it now or wait 'till we get back.
- Howard Wolowitz: [leading Halley out of the bathroom] Somebody just peed in the big girl potty.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, I'm so proud! It was her, right?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I hate to say it, but I think everyone is being incredibly selfish.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, you would be the authority on the subject.
- Sheldon Cooper: What does that mean?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, no one is happier than I am to win the Nobel. But it's not more important than our friends.
- Sheldon Cooper: How can you call them friends when they're abandoning us?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: They're abandoning us because you broke their hearts.
- Sheldon Cooper: I didn't mean to.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I know! You never mean to. It's the only reason people tolerate you!
- Sheldon Cooper: Does that include you?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sometimes, yeah.
- Penny Hofstadter: Hey, what's going on?
- Sheldon Cooper: [covering his mouth] Unclean! Unclean!
- Penny Hofstadter: What?
- Leonard Hofstadter: He thinks you're sick.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh. Should we tell him?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, if we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah. Doesn't answer my question.
- Sheldon Cooper: Tell me what?
- Penny Hofstadter: I'm pregnant, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're right, I can't catch that.
- [returning to his seat]
- Sheldon Cooper: Good news, Amy. She's just pregnant.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [on the phone with Howard] Oh, us, too.
- Penny Hofstadter: Wait, what?
- Leonard Hofstadter: They're gonna stay. The kids are fine. Bernie's parents took over.
- [listening]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really? Oh, poor little guy.
- Penny Hofstadter: Is Michael okay?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, it's Stuart. Bernie's dad gave him a hug, cracked a rib.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar: Just to be clear, this isn't a date.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, I know.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar: Then why are you holding my hand?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What happened to "I'm never gonna have kids"?
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, it was accident. I went out drinking with Sheldon.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [gasp] Oh, my gosh. We're sister wives?
- Penny Hofstadter: No! Then I went home and slept with Leonard.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: While fantasizing about...
- Penny Hofstadter: Leonard. And a little Idris Elba.
- Bert Kibbler: You really think walking her is gonna help me meet girls?
- Raj Koothrappali: Cinnamon is chick bait.
- Bert Kibbler: Good. 'Cause I'm not.
- Raj Koothrappali: Just remember, you're in charge. Don't let her pull you.
- Bert Kibbler: That seems like an unnecessary thing to say.
- Raj Koothrappali: And please, if you have any problems, any questions, call me immediately, okay? She's my baby.
- Bert Kibbler: It shouldn't come up, but just in case, where could I buy a dog that looks exactly like her?
- [seeing his look]
- Bert Kibbler: Kidding. If she dies, I'll just tell you.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Why are you talking so fast?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm trying to get my speech down to 90 minutes.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Nobody's gonna be able to understand a word you're saying.
- Sheldon Cooper: Welcome to my life.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I think you need to do some editing, like maybe cut out all that stuff about your childhood.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you kidding? Growing up in the backwoods of East Texas is what makes me warm and relatable.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, what about all these pages calling out everyone who said you wouldn't succeed?
- Sheldon Cooper: I told them all they would rue the day. How is it gonna make me look when the day finally comes and they're not filled with rue?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, this isn't about ruing. This is about... humbly accepting a great honor.
- Sheldon Cooper: Amy, we won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Humility is for people who win the goofy Nobels like Literature, Economics, and Peace.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Please tell me that's not in your speech.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh. I-I can cut it, but it's the only joke I have.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What kind of DNA is this, anyway?
- Sheldon Cooper: I was trying to design the genetic code of an advanced race of human being. One of my rare failures, actually.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What went wrong?
- Sheldon Cooper: The balls kept sticking to my pants.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Let's just let it dry.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [entering with Penny] Hi.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello.
- Penny Hofstadter: Hey, babe.
- Leonard Hofstadter, Sheldon Cooper: Oh, don't slam the...!
- [they shut the door, but the model remains intact]
- Sheldon Cooper: That was exhilarating.
- Sheldon Cooper: As a reminder, Penny, there's free alcohol in business class; don't abuse it.
- Penny Hofstadter: Relax. I'm not gonna drink.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why? You pregnant?
- Penny Hofstadter: [scoffing and laughing it off] Wha...? No. No. I just, you know, I don't... I don't like to drink when I fly.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Please. I've seen you drink in the shower.
- Howard Wolowitz: You guys have showered together?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Sometimes, you're just... ick.
- Howard Wolowitz: That wasn't a "no".
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, well, we should head out now if we're gonna get to the airport six hours before boarding.
- [everyone moves to leave]
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me? Hello? What did we just learn about the end of business meetings?
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, my god.
- [they all groan and shake hands]
- Howard Wolowitz: I was just looking at the map. Couldn't help thinking: we're here, and they're there, and if anything happened, we'd have to go here to get all the way back there.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why are you trying to freak me out?
- Howard Wolowitz: This is our vacation. I thought we should do things together.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard, the kids are okay.
- Howard Wolowitz: How do you know that?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I just know. A mother knows.
- Howard Wolowitz: So what, now the Force is with you?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Let's see.
- [waving her hand, a la the Jedi mind trick]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: This is not the woman you want to annoy.
- Raj Koothrappali: You see the woman sitting next to me?
- Howard Wolowitz: [looking] What about her?
- Raj Koothrappali: [showing him his phone] Is this her?
- Howard Wolowitz: Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
- Raj Koothrappali: Shh! Be cool.
- Howard Wolowitz: [looking again] No, that's not her.
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay.
- [covering Sarah's eyes on the picture]
- Raj Koothrappali: How about now?
- Sheldon Cooper: We need to do something about your wife.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What's the matter?
- Sheldon Cooper: She is clearly sick, and she's gonna take us all down with her.
- Leonard Hofstadter: She's not sick, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: She is, and I'm gonna catch it, and it's gonna ruin the greatest day of my life.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I promise you're not gonna get what she has.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Are you kidding me? You just found out that a woman who has loved and cared for you for twelve years is pregnant, and all you can say is you're relieved that she's not gonna get you sick?
- Sheldon Cooper: There's no need for a recap. I was there.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Why didn't you tell me?
- Penny Hofstadter: I didn't tell anybody.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm not anybody. I'm your best friend.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [approaching] What's going on?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: She's pregnant.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's fantastic!
- [hitting Penny]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why didn't you tell me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: She didn't tell me, either.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: But I'm her best friend.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [sardonic laugh] We'll get into that later.
- Sheldon Cooper: What would you like me to say?
- Leonard Hofstadter: How about congratulating us?
- Sheldon Cooper: Are congratulations even in order? I didn't think Penny wanted children.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, she didn't, now she does. And just so you know, we weren't gonna tell anybody so we wouldn't upstage your big day.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, please, you couldn't upstage us. We won a Nobel Prize. Any idiot can have a baby.
- Howard Wolowitz: [approaching] Hey. What's going on?
- Sheldon Cooper: Case in point.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You are a selfish jerk. To hell with you and your Nobel Prize.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Hi, Stuart, just checking in. Seeing if everything's okay.
- Stuart Bloom: Oh, yeah, we're having fun. Me, Halley, and Denise played hide and seek all day.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, that's nice.
- Stuart Bloom: Yeah. I found Denise right away.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Where was Halley hiding?
- Stuart Bloom: Uh, the important thing is she's not there now.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: So everyone's happy and healthy?
- Stuart Bloom: Well, that depends.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What's that mean?
- Stuart Bloom: Uh... how many teeth did Halley have when you left?
- Howard Wolowitz: All of them.
- Stuart Bloom: Oh, yeah, that's-that's what I was afraid of.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What happened?
- Stuart Bloom: Um, well, all right. Um, Michael had a little fever last night.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Michael had a fever?
- Stuart Bloom: Do you want to hear about Halley or not?
- Howard Wolowitz: What happened, Stuart?
- Stuart Bloom: He was running a little fever, nothing to worry about. And Halley, bless her heart, wanted to bring him his boo-boo bear, so she climbed over the safety rail and... took a little tumble down the stairs.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: She fell down the stairs?
- Stuart Bloom: [stammering] She rolled down the stairs, laughing the whole time. Anyway, when she got to the bottom, there was a tooth missing.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, Stuart!
- Stuart Bloom: She's fine! She thought it was funny.
- Howard Wolowitz: Did you at least save it for the Tooth Fairy?
- Stuart Bloom: No, we couldn't find it. We have a theory about where it is, but it'll take six to eight hours to confirm. Speaking of which, where do you keep the spaghetti strainer?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon has something he'd like to say.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry I didn't react appropriately. You and Penny are bringing new life into the world. Congratulations. I can't wait to meet it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It?
- Sheldon Cooper: That's a gender-neutral pronoun. If you're offended, take it up with the English language.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, good, you're here. Listen, we're thinking maybe we should go back to L.A.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Why?
- Howard Wolowitz: We just can't be this far away from the kids. Bernie's having a meltdown, and frankly, so am I.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, well, pull it together. This is a big day for me.
- Howard Wolowitz: [scoffing] Yeah, I wasn't sure what to do. Now I am. We're going home.
- Leonard Hofstadter: We'll join you.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, wait. Do I get a vote in this?
- Leonard Hofstadter: They'll have pickled herring on the plane.
- Penny Hofstadter: Bye-bye.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I would just like to take this moment to say to all the young girls out there who dream about science as a profession: go for it. It is the greatest job in the world. And if anybody tells you can't, don't listen.
- [glancing at Sheldon]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And now, speaking of not listening, my husband, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
- Penny Hofstadter: Thank you guys so much for the clothes and the shoes, the plane tickets. You've been so generous.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, it's important that all of our friends get to share this moment with us.
- Sheldon Cooper: And then for years to come, you can tell others you had a front-row seat to history. Althought, technically, I think your seats are in the second row.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Do you want to go back to the apartment and see me try on my dress?
- Sheldon Cooper: Shouldn't I see it for the first time at the Nobel ceremony?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It's not a wedding.
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay. Well, give me a minute to think of another reason I don't want to see it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How about this: you can practice your acceptance speech while I try on the dress.
- Sheldon Cooper: Ah, great. You can help me whittle it down to 90 minutes.
- Howard Wolowitz: You still feel good about leaving them with Stuart and Denise for a couple days?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I guess. I just hope we don't miss Michael's first words.
- Howard Wolowitz: Or Stuart's last words.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You realize it's been years since we've gotten away, just the two of us.
- Howard Wolowitz: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah. We're gonna sleep our asses off.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, bagels down. Before we head to the airport, I'd like to go over a few things.
- [the others all groan]
- Sheldon Cooper: From the moment we step off the plane, each and every one of you is an ambassador for Amy and myself.
- Howard Wolowitz: [quietly to Bernie] Told you these tickets weren't free.
- Sheldon Cooper: As such, your behavior must reflect the highest standards. Uh, Raj, bagel down.
- Raj Koothrappali: If my blood sugar drops and I get bitchy, it's on you.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: The challenging climate of Scandinavia has left its mark on the Swedish character. These dour, latter-day Vikings are slow to warm up to strangers, but if you follow a few easy steps, a Swede can be your friend for life.
- Sheldon Cooper: Number one: in Sweden, punctuality is taken very seriously. In other words, the loosey-goosey attitude in Helsinki will not fly in Stockholm.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Two: at the beginning and end of all business and social meetings, shake hands with everyone present; men, women, and children.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, you're all encouraged to pair off and practice this once we're in the air and the seat belt sign is off.
- [Penny raises her hand]
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, Penny.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh. Do we have to go?
- Howard Wolowitz: How you doing?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Fine. Why?
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, this is the furthest we've ever been away from the kids. I was just checking to see if you're okay.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm on my second "Jack Reacher". I'm doing great.
- Sheldon Cooper: [seeing Penny enter the airplane bathroom] That's the fourth time she's been to the bathroom in the last two hours.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So?
- Sheldon Cooper: So... her breakfast was binding. I made sure of that.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So?
- Sheldon Cooper: So she clearly has some sort of stomach distress. If it's viral, we're all susceptible.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: She's probably just airsick.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, but what if she's not? What if we get what she has? What if we infect the King of Sweden? That's how wars start.
- [Penny exits the bathroom, then immediately turns back around]
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, that's it. This is "Outbreak" and she's the monkey.
- Penny Hofstadter: Come on, you didn't really expect him to react like a normal human being.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, but still, a-after all these years, after all the crap I've put up with, you'd think just this once he'd care about someone else's feelings.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, my god!
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Penny Hofstadter: Pickled herring. Who knew how good it was?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really?
- Penny Hofstadter: Sounds gross. Looks gross. Smells gross.
- [taking a bite]
- Penny Hofstadter: It's delicious!
- Leonard Hofstadter: If I recall, you're the one who went out drinking with Sheldon, then came home and attacked me.
- Penny Hofstadter: What? Attacked you? I think I said "Do you wanna?".
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah. And I was helpless.
- Penny Hofstadter: Uh-huh.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [they kiss] So... do you wanna?
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, I can't get more pregnant.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Mm-hmm. We'll see about that.