- Abe Weissman: I am not a violent man, Joel, but if I were, I would take you upstairs to my apartment and throw you out the window. Do you know why I am not throwing you out this window?
- Joel Maisel: No.
- Abe Weissman: Because my window is on a higher floor, and I want to make sure it sticks.
- Joel Maisel: Abe...
- Abe Weissman: Nooo, you do not call me Abe.
- Joel Maisel: What do I call you?
- Abe Weissman: Nothing. You call me nothing. You don't talk to me or look at me. If you see me on the street you will cross the street whether or not there is a crosswalk present. Your pedestrian safety is of no importance to me anymore.
- Joel Maisel: I...
- Abe Weissman: You what? You're sorry? You didn't mean to do what you did? It just happened? You have children, Joel. You made promises.
- Joel Maisel: I know.
- Abe Weissman: [sighs sadly] You stupid, stupid boy. Where are you going to find a girl like Miriam again?
- Drina Romanoff: How is Abe taking all this?
- Rose Weissman: Abe got up this morning and went to work. The world could be ending, and he'd get up and go to work, and if Columbia University fell into the ocean, he'd work from home.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Tune in next week when my grandmother steals my pearls and fucks my boyfriend!
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: I forgot.
- Susie Myerson: Oh, much better. It is so much better that you just forgot. You know, my fear was that you remembered and chose not to meet me, but now that I know I literally didn't even enter into the - where the hell are we? What is this, fucking Versailles?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: My apartment.
- Susie Myerson: Your table is set for thirty. Who has cutlery for thirty?
- Susie Myerson: 9:30! I got up at 9:30 - in the morning! You know the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning? It was the last time I stayed out all night and got home at 9:30 in the morning! That is the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning!