- Restaurant Waiter: Would sir care for a dessert?
- Patrick Melrose: Care for it? How do you care for a dessert? Feed it? Visit it on Sundays?
- Marianne: They fuck you up, your mom and your dad. They don't mean to but they do.
- Patrick Melrose: Who says they don't mean to?
- Marianne: Tell me, did you ever tell your dad what you felt about him?
- Patrick Melrose: Not while he was alive. Probably for the best.
- Marianne: What would you have said to him?
- Patrick Melrose: I would have said... I would have told him... "Nobody should do that to anyone else."
- Restaurant Waiter: Is everything alright?
- Patrick Melrose: How can everything be alright? It's simply too much to hope for.
- Restaurant Waiter: It's just that there've been some complaints.
- Patrick Melrose: You mean the voices aren't just in my head?
- Patrick Melrose: [attempting to destroy his father's urn] I'm going to flush you down the loo! Send you to sewers with the alligators and the shit!
- [breaks a toilet tank cover on the box]
- Patrick Melrose: [enraged] HOW?
- Patrick Melrose: [in an American accent] You were so fucking sad, Dad, man. And now you're trying to make me sad too. Boo hoo!
- Patrick Melrose: [in his own voice] Well bad luck.
- Patrick Melrose: Life's not just a bag of shit, but a leaky one. You can't help but be touched by it.
- Patrick Melrose: [after being led into the wrong funeral parlour] Wrong fucking corpse!
- Funeral Parlour Receptionist: Oh are you sure?
- Patrick Melrose: Death transforms us all, but it's not so powerful as to turn my father into a small Jew. Try again!
- Patrick Melrose: You mean have I taken any drugs?
- Debbie Hickman: No. Not just that. Why? Have you?
- Patrick Melrose: Well, I've been shooting cocaine and heroin all night. Does that count?
- Debbie Hickman: Was that a good idea?
- Patrick Melrose: In the future, can we agree that, no, it is not a good idea?
- Patrick Melrose: [to his father's corpse] You didn't want to go, did you? You knew you were going to die and you were right. What did that feel like? Pain or rage? Were you scared? Christ, I hope so!