- Sam Gardner: [narrating] In the animal kingdom, attraction is a simple biological fact. It's us humans who make it complicated.
- [first lines]
- Sam Gardner: [narrating] Now that I know I want Julia to be my girlfriend someday, I've decided to look nice whenever I see her. That kind of thing is important to girls, but looking nice is hard. Yeah.
- Doug Gardner: [entering] Look at you, "cock of the walk." You know, because of your hair.
- Sam Gardner: That makes no sense. I look nothing like a rooster. Roosters don't even have hair. They have a coxcomb, which is fleshy.