- Carter Pewterschmidt: All right, everyone. Grab your hot ciders and gather around the speaker phone. It's time to call *my* grandmother Nana Pewterschmidt.
- Nana Pewterschmidt: [in German] Who is this?
- Carter Pewterschmidt: [in German] Nana, it is Carter. Merry Christmas.
- Nana Pewterschmidt: [in German] Merry Christmas.
- Carter Pewterschmidt: [in German] I am here with Lois and her children, who send their love. How are you?
- Nana Pewterschmidt: [in German] There are too many Jews in Brazil.
- Chris Griffin: What did she say?
- Carter Pewterschmidt: [looking uncomfortable] She... wishes you a merry Christmas.
- Stewie Griffin: That's not what she said.
- Glenn Quagmire: Yeah Lois had to sell her clothes to get by. I mean I love having this underwear, I just... I just don't love why I have it.
- Peter Griffin: Well, I'm proud that all of my kids got into Ivy league puns, but what happened to Brian?
- Stewie Griffin: [after Peter's car has sideswiped the family with mud] The Clam's on the other side of town. He went out of his way to do this.
- Peter Griffin: What about the kids? How are they doing?
- Patrick Swayze: See for yourself.
- Chris: All right, everybody, I'm off to Colombia!
- Peter: Chris got into Columbia?
- Chris: South America. Where I will attempt to smuggle drugs back into the country in my rectum.
- Peter: Ahh, I knew there was some kind of rug-pull coming.
- Meg: And I'm off to Yale!
- Peter: The lock maker?
- Meg: The lock maker. Where I have a minimum wage job.
- Peter: All right, okay, yeah I'm getting ahead of these.
- Stewie: [now overweight] I'm going to Brown... four boxes of Jimmy Dean Pure Pork Sausage for my breakfast!
- Peter: Well I'm proud all my kids got into Ivy League puns.