- Narrator: [Showing one being placed on a tee] This is a football. When kicked, the game begins.
- [Then as the kicking team goes up to kickoff, the ball falls off the tee]
- Narrator: You forgot something, fellows.
- Narrator: [as a collage of players throwing tantrums is shown] Not being able to catch not only shows the man inside the uniform, but the child inside the man.
- Narrator: [Showing receivers bobbling, but eventually catching the ball] Why it's veritable child's play. Simply catch the little leather ball. My six-year-old can do it. Okay, maybe my seven-year-old can.
- Narrator: [Repeated line] The ball, fellows.
- Narrator: That's the quarterback. Otherwise known as the two-bit back, or the back only worth two-bits.