Mike Jeavons: Mike J.

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Mike J. : Hello, I'm a British person, and I've only ever been sure of one thing in my entire life - and that's the world didn't need two Taken sequels. But I've also been sure of another thing, doubly sure in fact. The world definitely didn't need a spoof of Taken. Because, what would a movie like that entail? Constant references to the famous phone call scene? Check. Constant penis gags? Check. A strong story with witty dialogue?

  [chuckles] 

  Mike J. : No. Over the top performances? Check. A 70-minute runtime with behind-the-scenes extras and bloopers just to pad it out? No... er, I mean, check. A ridiculous title that makes no sense? Check, and what is that ridiculous title?

  [sees the title of the spoof Tooken] 

  Mike J. : Ugh, that title just hurts me physically! Tooken! What does that even mean? What is that a reference to?

• [last lines] 

  Mike J. : What a load of absolute shite. The trouble with spoof movies these days is that they focus on spoofing a single movie and not the tropes within the genres. Movies like Hot Shots and Airplane are so good because they exaggerate clichés. Once you take specific moments from specific movies, they stop being spoofs and start being references. And references on their own are not funny. I've been a British person. I remember it so you don't have to.