Blaire White: Ghost of YouTube Past

Quotes 

• Ebenezer YouTube : Are you the spirit whose coming was foretold?

  Ghost of YouTube Past : I am.

  Ebenezer YouTube : But you're just a girl.

  Ghost of YouTube Past : Oh, you're so sweet. I can remember more than fifteen years. I'm the Ghost of YouTube Past.

  Ebenezer YouTube : What business have you here then?

  Ghost of YouTube Past : Your welfare, and to help you stop being a dick. So take heed. Come.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Spirit, I am mortal and liable to fall.

  Ghost of YouTube Past : Don't worry. A touch of my hand and you can follow the flow.

  Ebenezer YouTube : A touch of your hand?

  Ghost of YouTube Past : Well, for safety's sake...

  [puts Ebenezer YouTube in a headlock] 

• Ebenezer YouTube : Where are we, Spirit?

  Ghost of YouTube Past : We are back to 2005. The launch of YouTube.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Oh, yes, Spirit. 2005. I was a boy here. A young man.

  Ghost of YouTube Past : Indeed. Everyone was having a great time. It didn't suck yet.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Oh, yes, this was a joyous place. There are my first partners, Chad Hurley and Steve Chen.

  Steve Chen : Oh, there's another cat video. I think there may be too many now.

  Chad Hurley : Too many? There can never be too many. Everything's allowed on the platform or it doesn't work. It's free and open. Cheers to that.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Free and open? Humbug! How foolish we were, Spirit. If we had any idea back then what we know now.

  Ghost of YouTube Past : These are merely shadows of the past. They can't hear you. I see no fools before me, only men who wanted a free and open platform. Besides, you were already bigger than myspace.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Myspace created their own downfall when they became a safe haven for pedophiles. If I'd known back then what I know now, these people wouldn't have a job posting all these problematic videos. It's a miracle we didn't go belly up.

  Ghost of YouTube Past : Don't you see? This is the environment that made YouTube what it is, the freedom of it, the fairness. Hits, likes, comments. These are the things that made YouTube great and pushed the best people to the top. It was a meritocracy.

• Ghost of YouTube Past : Let me show you something.

  Ebenezer YouTube : That's Sound Guy Cratchit's place and his, ah, his boy, Tiny, um,

  [snaps fingers] 

  Ebenezer YouTube : Tiny, ah, Tiny, ah...

  Ghost of YouTube Past : Tiny Not Gay Jared.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Tiny Not Gay Jared. That's it. I had it on the tip of the tongue.

  Ghost of YouTube Past : YouTube inspired this boy. If not for your platform he'd still be a home-schooled child with nothing more than worn "McGee and Me" video tapes. Instead, he learned how to livestream his video games. With your platform he's been able to get billions of views and support the whole Cratchit family.

  Ebenezer YouTube : I did not know the Crachits were in such need, Spirit. A remarkable lad.

  Ghost of YouTube Past : And a gross violation of child labor laws.

  Ebenezer YouTube : I was going to say.