A YouTube Carol (2017 Podcast Episode)
Edward Parker: Sound Guy Cratchit
Quotes
-
Ebenezer YouTube : Mr. Cratchit, I want those demonetization reports on my desk with great haste.
Sound Guy Cratchit : Yes, sir, Mr. YouTube , sir.
Ebenezer YouTube : And find us a legal way to shut down Mug Club.
Sound Guy Cratchit : But, Mr. YouTube, sir, we have no jurisdiction over Mug Club.
Ebenezer YouTube : I know that, Mr. Cratchit, but it's paid content off the platform that allows these street merchants to upload more free content than ever on my platform. On YouTube.
Sound Guy Cratchit : So, you just don't want them to make a living at all?
Ebenezer YouTube : You'll find yourself out of a living soon if you don't do as I say, Cratchit.
Sound Guy Cratchit : Yes, sir, Mr. YouTube. I'll find a way to make sure no one makes a living off of that content, sir.
-
Tiny Not Gay Jared : Father! Father! Come and see! My latest video has 200,000 plays in just three hours.
Ebenezer YouTube : Such a meager feast.
Ghost of YouTube Present : But very appreciated.
[Jared coughs and looks distressed]
Sound Guy Cratchit : What is it?
Tiny Not Gay Jared : It's already been demonetized.
Sound Guy Cratchit : Already?
Tiny Not Gay Jared : They seem to be getting demonetized faster this time of year.
[coughs]
Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, don't worry about it right now. Come on. You need some rest. Come on.
Ebenezer YouTube : Such a remarkable child.
Ghost of YouTube Present : Indeed.
Ebenezer YouTube : Tell me spirit what does he have?
Ghost of YouTube Present : AIDS.
Ebenezer YouTube : Indeed.
Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, don't worry. I'll find another way to pay for your antiretroviral treatment.
-
Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, Mr. YouTube.
Ebenezer YouTube : You, sir, Sound Guy Cratchit, were not at work today.
Sound Guy Cratchit : But, but, but, Mr. YouTube, it's Christmas Day!
Ebenezer YouTube : You see that as a fit excuse to rob me of my time?
Sound Guy Cratchit : Yes, sir, I mean, no, sir! But you said I could have the day off.
Ebenezer YouTube : Sound Guy Cratchit, I won't stand for this kind of behavior anymore.
Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, please, sir.
Ebenezer YouTube : And therefore, Sound Guy Cratchit, I am prepared to raise your salary.
Sound Guy Cratchit : Sir?
Ebenezer YouTube : Yes, Sound Guy. Raise your salary and promise to purchase you a new... and to properly monetize all of Tiny Not Gay Jared's videos this Christmas and every one hereafter. Merry Christmas, Sound Guy.
Tiny Not Gay Jared : Piss off. We have Mug Club.
Sound Guy Cratchit : Yeah, Mr. Ebenezer YouTube, piss off.