The Bad Guys (2022)
Marc Maron: Snake
Photos
Quotes
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Mr. Snake : WE'LL ALWAYS BE BAD GUYS!
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[Mr. Shark sniggers in schadenfreude]
Mr. Snake : Oh, no! No way!
Mr. Wolf : Snake.
Mr. Snake : [goes to sit with Mr. Shark] Oh, alright, alright...
Mr. Shark : This is going to taste extra sweet, 'cause I know how bad you want it
[Mr. Snake struggles, clearly reluctant to share the push pop]
Mr. Shark : Pop me, please.
[opens wide his mouth]
Mr. Snake : [struggles even more, quivering and sweating under the superhuman effort he's doing] Nope!
[slurps the push pop in one gulp]
Mr. Snake : Sucker!
Mr. Shark : THAT'S IT!
[grabs Mr. Snake]
Mr. Shark : I'LL TEACH YOU TO SHARE!
[proceeds to swallow Mr. Snake whole, much to everyone's surprise]
Mr. Shark : I like sharing, he's yummy.
Mr. Snake : [from inside Mr. Shark's stomach] Totally worth it!
Professor Marmalade : [understandably petrified] Well, that's terrifying.
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[first lines]
Mr. Snake : Stop.
Mr. Wolf : I'll stop if you just explain it to me, because I don't...
Mr. Snake : Would you please just drop it?
Mr. Wolf : All right, all right, fine, fine, fine, fine. Consider it dropped. It's dropped. It's on the ground.
Mr. Snake : Good.
Mr. Wolf : But, I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays. You got decorations. You got balloons. You got parties and cake.
Mr. Snake : Look, I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm-I'm not a cake guy.
Mr. Wolf : Seriously, though, you don't like cake? Name one food better than cake.
Mr. Snake : Guinea pig.
Mr. Wolf : Oh, again with the guinea pig. I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig.
Mr. Snake : Wrong. Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air.
Mr. Wolf : Air?
Mr. Snake : Yes, air.
[slurps]
Mr. Snake : Nice.
Mr. Wolf : I don't know. They're a little, uh... a little cute for my taste.
Mr. Snake : That's what makes them so delicious. You're not just eating food. You're eating pure goodness. It's not about the pig. It's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level.
Mr. Wolf : So, you can... you can taste air? What else you got?
Mr. Snake : Forget about it.
Mr. Wolf : Wait. Can you also hear color? Can you see sound?
Mr. Snake : All right, all right. Okay.
Mr. Wolf : 'Cause we should really be capitalizing on these skills.
Mr. Snake : Okay, all right, fine. Get it all out. Get it all out now.
Mr. Wolf : Okay, okay.
[He then retches out the alarm clock]
Mr. Snake : Look at that. 4:00 p.m. Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.
Mr. Wolf : [laughs] Let's bounce.
Mr. Snake : Yep.
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Mr. Snake : What the molt is that?
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Mr. Snake : Run!
