The Bad Guys (2022)
Richard Ayoade: Professor Marmalade
Photos
Quotes
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Professor Marmalade : You're going to have to choose between your friends, and the good life.
Mr. Wolf : They're the only friends I've ever had.
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[Mr. Shark sniggers in schadenfreude]
Mr. Snake : Oh, no! No way!
Mr. Wolf : Snake.
Mr. Snake : [goes to sit with Mr. Shark] Oh, alright, alright...
Mr. Shark : This is going to taste extra sweet, 'cause I know how bad you want it
[Mr. Snake struggles, clearly reluctant to share the push pop]
Mr. Shark : Pop me, please.
[opens wide his mouth]
Mr. Snake : [struggles even more, quivering and sweating under the superhuman effort he's doing] Nope!
[slurps the push pop in one gulp]
Mr. Snake : Sucker!
Mr. Shark : THAT'S IT!
[grabs Mr. Snake]
Mr. Shark : I'LL TEACH YOU TO SHARE!
[proceeds to swallow Mr. Snake whole, much to everyone's surprise]
Mr. Shark : I like sharing, he's yummy.
Mr. Snake : [from inside Mr. Shark's stomach] Totally worth it!
Professor Marmalade : [understandably petrified] Well, that's terrifying.
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Professor Marmalade : Wait!
Police Chief Misty Luggins : Uh, beg... beg pardon?
Professor Marmalade : Mr. Wolf may be a savage beast. Basically walking garbage. Sorry, I'm making a point.
Mr. Wolf : Do what you need to do, pal.
Professor Marmalade : But how can we say they're hopeless if they've never been given a chance? What if... what if we tried a little experiment, Diane? As you know, my Gala for Goodness, the "hashtag charity event of the year," is coming up. If I can prove to everyone at that gala that the Bad Guys have changed, will you set them free and give them a clean start?
[Crowd Gasps]
Police Chief Misty Luggins : What? Professor Marmalade!
Mr. Wolf : [Falls on the ground] Ow!
Police Chief Misty Luggins : No, no, no, no, no. Do you see what he's doing? He's playing you!
Professor Marmalade : But it was my idea.
Mr. Wolf : It WAS his idea.
Police Chief Misty Luggins : But only because you made him have it! Madam Governor, you can't just let them go.
Diane Foxington : Professor, I'm not about to put the safety of the city on the line for an experiment.
Mr. Wolf : Excuse me, Madam Governor. I seem to remember that a wise person once said, "Even trash can be recycled into something beautiful."
Diane Foxington : [sighs] Ok, I'm game. But only because it's you, Professor.
Police Chief Misty Luggins : No!
Diane Foxington : We'll hold on to the Dolphin until the gala. Just to remove any unnecessary temptation.
Professor Marmalade : Of Course. Good thinking. That's why you're governor.
Professor Marmalade : [Hands the Golden Dolphin to Diane] Now that everyone's happy...
Police Chief Misty Luggins : Not happy!
Professor Marmalade : ...I, Rupert Marmalade the Fourth, will turn the Bad Guys into... the Good Guys!
[Crowd gasps]
Mr. Wolf : [Tosses handcuffs to Police Chief] I think these belong to you.
Police Chief Misty Luggins : Hey!
Diane Foxington : Not everyone gets a second chance. Make the most of it, Mr. Poodleton.
Mr. Wolf : [Closes door]
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Piranha : A giant butt!
Professor Marmalade : Huh? Uh, it's-- it's not a butt. It's a lamp! In the shape of the Love Crater Meteorite, my greatest-...
Piranha : I wonder whose butt it is.
Mr. Wolf : Uh...
Professor Marmalade : Once again, it's not a butt, thank you. It's a heart. Now, as I was saying...
Piranha : Then why does it have cheeks?
Mr. Shark : Shut it!
Piranha : What? I've never seen a heart with cheeks.
Professor Marmalade : It's not a...
Piranha : Booty!
Professor Marmalade : It's not a butt! Not a butt!
Piranha : Does he know what a butt is?