User Reviews

Forgive me father for I have sinned, and I'm about to sin again. And play Mack the Knife again. I wore my hat at a jaunty angle at my wife's funeral. She got cooked medium rare. It's time for a gentleman's game of Texas Hold 'Em. I can see that you're a narcissist, like you can see I've polished my shoes. But the Blackbird is dead, and unable to take on a bodyguard twice his size or women half his age. Be a good fiancé and eat your dinner. Getting mad at people being pushed off boats is a death penalty crime. We're the Chieftans, they're a secret group of war criminals who call themselves the Crusading Revolution. What's your point, Nick?

An that goes without saying, because Flatley did everything for this film. He must be named in every single credit in the film, as this was a passion (aka Vanity) for the actor.

After his fiancée is burnt to death by terrorists, Victor Blackley leaves the. Secret agent society The Chieftains and seeks to dull his pain by opening a club in the Caribbean.

Yet he is drawn back to his old life when philanthropist Blake Molyneux arrives with a hidden agenda, and someone he knew from a long time ago....

I'll say from the beginning that this film is absolutely dreadful from start to finish. Flatley must have the biggest ego going, because here, he has the best outfits, the nice car, women throwing themselves at him, and he can beat people up as good as he can dance. But, if you step outside of the box and watch it from a different angle, there is a lot of fun to be had.

The first ten minutes isn't part of the film, it's a behind the scenes documentary about a tormented Flatley looking at a grave, which is his metaphorical movie career.

We even get Seasoned Actor Patrick Bergen utter the line (I'm afraid of what he's going to do next). Oh and Flatley can wear a hat tipped hat like no one's business.

Flash forward and Mike has his own bar in the Caribbean, and this does not rip off Casablanca or James Bond at all. All is well in Mikes life until a new guest come to the hotel, and he has the intention of selling some sort of maguffin that could kill millions of people.

Newcomer Eric Roberts is fantastic in his role, and he is a talent to look out for. He oozes some sort of agitation. He bangs on tables quite loud, and makes people jump off boats, the dirty rotter.

Then it's time for the final action set piece, which takes place behind a van, which obscures it for the viewer, it almost feels like a sitcom at this stage, and then Flatley gets the immortal line 'Shall we dance?' before the thrilling final shootout, which again becomes obscured thanks to some awful camera work and and an awful cutaway......the man wrote this.

So that's it, Blackbird vanished without a trace in the cinema, I was the only one in my screening, and it was a very large theatre too.

Expect this to come up in many bad films of all time lists.

But I enjoyed it for all the wrong reasons...

This film made its premiere back in 2018 at a film festival, but then disappeared for four years, without any critics reviews or publicity. It is the directorial debut of the man best known for the Riverdance and Lord of the Dance, and when it finally hit cinemas, many critics described and dismissed it as a "vanity project". I had seen the trailer, it looked awful, and Mark Kermode had said it is "one of the worst movies ever made", so I couldn't help but be curious. Basically, in Ireland, Victor Blackley (Michael Flatley, also writing, producing, directing, and self-funding) is a secret agent, codenamed "Blackbird". But his colleague, and former lover, is killed during a foreign mission, she is buried in the garden of his stately home. He is visibly distressed, and rather than joining his boss The Head (Patrick Bergin) and his colleague Nick (Ian Beattie) at the wake, he walks away and disappears. Months later, Victor has retired from the secret service and has opened a hotel and nightclub in the Caribbean (like something out of Casablanca), with Nick working alongside him. Nick is shocked when he recognises Victor's old flame, Vivian (Nicole Evans), arriving at the hotel with her dangerous criminal fiancé Blake (Eric Roberts). Victor eventually encounters Vivian himself and is shaken by her presence. Victor's staff make discrete inquiries and discover that Blake is part of a secret society of war criminals and plans to sell a formula to another criminal. The formula used in the right hands can used to treat deadly diseases, but in the wrong hands it can be developed into a deadly toxin to create the opposite effect, breaking down bodily functions and killing people. Night club singer Maddie (Mary Louise Kelly) has feelings for Victor, and one night enters his room and undresses to try and seduce him, but he does not give into her advances. Victor is constantly warned by Nick about how dangerous Blake is, and the devastation the formula deal could have on the world, but Victor continually refuses to get involved, feeling it is no longer his duty. Victor is still haunted by flashbacks of the operation that went wrong and resulted in his lover being captured by terrorists, tied to a stake, and burned to death. Although Victor burst into the camp and killed the gang members, he was too late to save her, and seeing her suffering engulfed by flames, he was forced to shoot her to end her pain. Victor and Vivian spend some together, during which he asks her to find the formula Blake plans to sell. Maddie sees them close together and is extremely jealous, and in rage, tells Blake about this. Vivian was a secret agent herself once and was instructed to follow Blake to gain intelligence of any criminal activities, and in the process fell in love with him. Vivian refuses to believe that Blake is a criminal, but she finds the formula, which is given to Victor's staff who copy it. Blake's henchman confronts Victor, believing he is trying to foil Blake's plan, he manages to dispatch them with a single powerful right hook. Victor meets Blake who tries to rile him during a card game, having discovered his former identity as the "Blackbird", but Victor is not intimidated. Knowing Vivian has been getting closer to Victor, she is held hostage by Blake's men, and when Victor's staff member Kwan (Phillip Ray Tommy) goes to investigate, he is killed. Victor deals with three armed men and heads to the harbour where Vivian is being held. Victor trades the deadly formula with Blake for her freedom and is about to sell it to the other criminal. Along with Nick who followed Victor, they face Blake and his accomplices. They all aim guns at each other, Victor says "Shall we dance?" (an obvious and corny one-liner for a dancer) before a fire fight breaks out. The bad guys are killed while Victor and Nick escape with only minor wounds. The formula handed over turns out to have been compromised, with the real one safely transported to Victor's old agency in London. In the end, Victor returns to his stately home, and Vivian arrives in a taxi to reunite with him. Also starring Rachel Warren as Brea, Serhat Metin as Muhammed, Tony Fadil as Tony, Bryan Samson as Father Martin Byrne, Saif Al-Warith as Sayid, and Raha Rahbari as Grace. Flatley is a phenomenal professional dancer (he has his legs insured for $40 million), but he is no James Bond, he is as stiff as an ironing board, the only movement seems to come from his collection of fedora hats, while Roberts is a predictable villain, and Evans is unconvincing as the woman caught in the middle of the dodgy situation. Flatley's script is full of the most predictable and daft dialogue you can imagine ("Bless me father for I have sinned... and I'm about to sin again!"), the action (or rather lack of it) has no pace, the acting is terrible, there is no feeling of tension or excitement at any point, it looks good at times but with no substance, and the characters are undeveloped and unconvincing, it is just a silly, pointless and lacklustre spy thriller. Pretty poor!

I was pretty hyped to see this having heard it held the title of "so bad it's good" well, parts of it are laughable, like when one of the henchmen snaps the guys neck on the boat. When a scene is devoted to one of Michaels sidekicks giving him the appropriate hat for the upcoming scene.

One thing (among 100's) that really bothered me was, wherever there was a scene at night in the bar, you could hear this high pitched sound, like a house alarm. Perhaps it was an indigenous bird, or an actual faulty alarm in the premises and no one could locate it...who knows.

The elephant in the room is Michael's character. Now I believe he shopped his script around some studios to get funding to have it made. How did no one there, or no one in pre production mention the glaring problem with his character...he has no compelling goal, no goal at all for 90 percent of the film..come on.! How do you miss that? He literally says he's not going to get involved.

The plot is heavily contrived and spoken about how bad the stakes are and never the ominous feeling that those stakes could occur because it's a sort of stepping stone like event where they'd have to get the ring back, then alter the formula then release the formula to reek havoc, so convoluted and instead of feeling the weight of it your mind gets entangled in that mess of what I just said. Flatley, although he looks well for his age is not able to be an action star, which is why there is literally once scene where he fights and one where he """"fights""" in which he hides behind a boat and the make up department put blood on his face, and on his lovely Tom Ford white tuxedo jacket....that bothered me! Lol

Not laugh out loud it's bad, pretty boring, some chuckles, looks okay, awful acting. Eric Roberts isn't too bad in some scenes, looks like he's having fun, so good for him.

Some nice landscape shots.

I've not seen other Michael Flatley films so I had no pre-conceived ideas of his acting or writing. I was horribly disappointed by the sheer lack of effort this movie makes to provide any sort of entertainment. The only saving throw was the one marginal nude scene where the young girl attempts to throw herself at the main character, and he refuses her! No self respecting James Bond would ever turn down such a magnificent young woman. Of course there's a card game where the Eric Roberts character banters with Flatley and it is so monumentally uninteresting as to nearly put the viewer into a coma. I really wanted to like this one, but please take my word for it and rewatch any James Bond movie or Austin Powers instead. Or if you want a really good spy romp try In Like Flint with James Coburn. This Blackbird flick was just awful.

It's hard to describe how excited I was to go and see this film and how lucky I was to be able to experience it on the big screen. Event is usually the term reserved for new Star Wars movies but the anticipation in the crowd began early and reached a crescendo before the credits were over.

The movie starts in an upmarket Bed and Breakfast where a funeral is taking place. This sets the scene for the rest of the movie which masterfully pieces together the events leading up to how and why our hero, played by Flatley, becomes a broken man. We're introduced to his team of spies called the chieftains comprising of an oddly subservient black man, an angry Irish drunk, a sad flat capped Irish drunk and two improbably beautiful women who, naturally, are just waiting for their man to get over his trauma so they can make their move.

Ten years later and they're still waiting as Victor Blackley (Flatley) has now opened a hotel and casino in Barbados where he spends his day sporting a succession of impressive hats at increasingly jaunty angles. Perhaps because none of them are large enough to properly fit his head or perhaps because it's what Bogart would have wanted. The women are still waiting for him to get over his trauma and the rest of the chieftans hang around drinking and making the place look untidy. Victor Blackley, however, manages to stay impossibly dapper despite his demons even when waking up after getting blackout drunk on the beach.

An old flame turns up and now the tension reaches fever pitch. Such is the towering performance by Flatley that we believe him to be truly broken and the director stretches out the moment of wondering whether he'll find himself again until the audience is at breaking point. Luckily Eric Roberts' worst-boyfriend-in-the-world is there to provide suitable inspiration. As you would expect from a master of dance, it is the dancing scenes in which our hero truly shines. The energy and chemistry he shows with a succession of women turning the heat up to 11.

The ending has to be seen to believed and sets us up for what is likely to be a spy franchise to rival Bond or Bourne in its intensity. This film has it all. The slow cool of Casablanca combined with the sexy edge of Bond at his finest. All delivered by a man channeling William Shatner in Impulse. The scenery has the epic sweep of Lord of the Rings at its finest and the dialogue is sharp and unexpected.

If you only watch one more movie in the rest of your life it needs to be Blackbird.