- Lucifer Morningstar: You have a light inside of you that brightens the world, and a smile so infectious that it captures the heart of anyone lucky enough to see it.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You see, that's just it, Detective. Eve sees me in a different way. But so do you. That's what makes you so... So special. The fact you see me that way. But I don't like how that makes me feel either.
- Mazikeen: Look, I'm going to get to the point. Usually I go straight for the sex, but my friend thinks I'm too invested in her baby... thinks I need to find a connection of my own, so... I'm looking for someone I can do that with.
- Mirror Maze: Whatever. I'm in.
- Mazikeen: ...You're too clingy. This is never going to work.
- Amenadiel: Apparently, there's a tradition here on Earth to ask someone to be a back-up parent in case something happens to the child's real parents.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh. Are you seriously asking me, evil incarnate, to be the child's godfather?
- [laughs]
- Lucifer Morningstar: The irony.
- Linda Martin: [to Lucifer] I'm concerned that you're returning to a familiar pattern of...
- Eve: Denial.
- Linda Martin: That's exactly what I was going to say.
- Eve: Don't you just hate it when he takes the exact wrong message from every single conversation?
- Linda Martin: Oh, my God! Every single time!
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Annoyed with the bonding] Right. Why don't we get back on track?
- Eve: "When the devil walks the earth and meets his first love"; means you consider me to be your... first love. Ergo! You love me.
- [Kisses him]
- Eve: Oh, my God! I can't believe you said it first. I've been dying to say it for so long.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Have you? Interesting you should focus on that part of the prophecy, when evil being released really is the relevant part.
- Chloe Decker: He told me about a prophecy.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Scoffs] Right. What is it this time? Frogs about to start falling from the sky, or... perhaps 'winter is coming'.
- Chloe Decker: So what do we have?
- Dan Espinoza, Ella Lopez: [Speaking simultaneously] This is Sandra Baez...
- Ella Lopez: Yeah.
- Dan Espinoza, Ella Lopez: She was 32 years old...
- Dan Espinoza: Yep.
- Dan Espinoza, Ella Lopez: And a history teacher.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Whatever's happening here is undoubtedly somehow my fault.
- Amenadiel: Now, there are good people out there who can find out the real truth, but they're gonna need your help. And I'm not asking you to have faith in them. Have faith in me.
- Linda Martin: The real truth is what?
- Lucifer Morningstar: There is something rotten inside of me. I find it near impossible to drown out the constant cacophony of voices whispering in my ear, telling me I am evil. I'm drowning, doctor! And I can't stop asking myself... why do I hate myself so much?
- Caleb Mayfield: I was thinking about quitting YEA altogether.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You were going to break up with the entire club. How does one specifically say nay to YEA?
- Lucifer Morningstar: What happened there, brother? Hit another bridge whilst flying?
- Amenadiel: That happened one time, Lucy.
- Dr. Chan Ahn: [Looking at a bad drawing of Lucifer's wings] You have moles that large on your back? You need to get them checked out, have them removed.
- Lucifer Morningstar: But I tried removing them in the past, but the stubborn buggers always seem to grow back. I just need you to dress them up a smidge. Maybe you could... attach some white feathers or tattoo them. Something cheery, flowers, maybe.
- Caleb Mayfield: What kind of bullshit, fantasy world do you be living in, man? I mean, look what happened to you. You didn't even do anything and you almost got shot. The only truth that matters is theirs.
- Lexy Shaw: She was also the SAT prep administrator, so helped me get into my first choice. It was Harvard.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What advice would Miss Baez give to, say, a student in a relationship who, I don't know, needed to break up with someone?
- Lexy Shaw: Oh, well, I wouldn't know. My boyfriend and I are super-solid. We'll probably get married. After we both finish college. At Harvard.
- Amenadiel: Do you have a good relationship with your father?
- Gogo Dancer: I'm dancing half naked in a nightclub for money. What do you think?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Your parents' marriage failed. What exactly was the final nail in the coffin of their relationship?
- Nate Mifflin: Weirdly enough, things got really bad after they went to couple's therapy.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Therapy. Of course.
- Amenadiel: I'm Amenadiel, Lucifer's brother.
- Caleb Mayfield: For real?
- Amenadiel: As God is my witness.
- Chloe Decker: He said, "When the devil walks the earth and finds his first love... evil shall be released."
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, this is wonderful news.
- Chloe Decker: It sounds kind of bad.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, it's bad. It's bad, but... it explains why I'm changing.
- Jeffrey Benedict: I started seeing my ex, Emma. We had gone to counseling. It was rough at first, but ultimately it helped bring us back together.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Now you tell me!
- Peter: Loved your profile. And all those stories you made up about murderous exploits... Wow! Consider me turned on.
- Jeffrey Benedict: Yes, we were having an affair, but that's over. Broke off last week.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You didn't have to kill her to break up with her, did you?
- Jeffrey Benedict: Of course not!
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh.
- [sighs in relief]
- Amenadiel: Excuse me. Do you have any children?
- Grizzled Man: Why? Did Ramona send you? Hey, man, I'm all paid up on my child support.
- Jeffrey Benedict: I already... started seeing somebody else.
- Chloe Decker: So you were having an affair on your affair?