- Otis Milburn: What do you get someone who's having an abortion?
- Pro-lifer: Sunscreen. They'll need it in hell.
- Nurse: And have you considered the possibility of adoption?
- Maeve Wiley: I don't think anyone would want a pregnant 17-year-old.
- Sarah: Don't worry, love. I got three kids, and I feel way more guilty about the ones that I had than the ones I chose not to. It's better not being a mum at all than being a bad one.
- Otis Milburn: I had a... sex dream... about Maeve.
- Eric Effoing: That's brilliant! Was it ALS challenge or just your basic dick sneeze?
- Otis Milburn: I can imagine it's hard when you're comparing your lack of experience to someone's sexual history.
- Pro-lifer: What? No, I have experience.
- Otis Milburn: You do?
- Pro-lifer: Yeah. Hand jobs, fingering, oral, 69ing, a bit of anal stuff.
- Otis Milburn: That's... extensive.
- Pro-lifer: Yeah, but no sex. That's sacred, between a man and a woman on their wedding night.
- Student: I fucked a warm melon, and now it stings when I pee.
- Eric Effoing: [about sex] It feels good to wank, so it must be like that, but better. And doing it with someone who likes you must be awesome, because they really get you. Maybe the two of you become one, like the Spice Girls said.
- Otis Milburn: I know this is none of my business, but you've kind of involved me here, so I'm just gonna have to say it. Charlie can't change his past. And what's important is who he is now. I mean, we all mess up and do impure things. Doesn't mean we're bad people. All right? Besides, didn't Jesus say something about forgiveness?