The Goldbergs (TV Series)

Mister Knifey-Hands (2018)

Wendi McLendon-Covey: Beverly Goldberg

Photos 

Quotes 

• Beverly Goldberg : Whatever, I don't care what happens to me. I'm already living my worst nightmare.

  Freddy Krueger : Huh? I - I thought I was doing a - a pretty damn good job here.

  Beverly Goldberg : No, you're great with the knifey hands and the melting-candle face. It's just... Adam said he wished I wasn't his mother.

  Freddy Krueger : Oh, geez. That's an awful thing to say. Mm. I'm-a kill him.

  Beverly Goldberg : No. The more I think about it, I deserved what Adam said. I was terrible to Jackie's parents.

  Freddy Krueger : Parents. Who needs 'em? I never knew any of my fathers, and I turned out just fine.

  Beverly Goldberg : I don't see how that applies to me, but I couldn't stand the Gearys because the way they parented. But, then, they were able to help Adam, and I wasn't.

  Freddy Krueger : Eh, this is getting way too touchy-feely for this cowboy. *Bleep* it, time to die!

  Beverly Goldberg : No. Time to get my *bleep* son back.

  Freddy Krueger : Hey! I say the *bleep* around here, lady!

  Beverly Goldberg : Not anymore, Mr. Kroeger.

  Freddy Krueger : Krueger! It's Krueger!

• Beverly Goldberg : It's those damn Gearys again! They mixed in with our baby! The chutzpah!

  Murray Goldberg : Those stinkin' hippies! They don't follow the rules of society.

  Adam Goldberg : Really? You guys are that threatened by them just because they're better parents than you in every way?

  Beverly Goldberg : Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat did you just say?

  Adam Goldberg : Not in *every* way! I meant most ways, some ways! One way?

  Beverly Goldberg : Those Gearys are gonna get a crash course in real parenting from the Goldbergs.

• Adam Goldberg : Look! They have hay rides! Hay makes everything better!

  Beverly Goldberg : Tell that to Rachel Hublitz's nephew who went on a hay ride and the open-air wagon turned over. They had to saw him out of the wreckage and they accidentally cut the poor boy in half. Now he's just a torso and has to ride a special medical skateboard to his job at the DMV.

• Beverly Goldberg : I lost my little baby. His name's Adam, goes by "Schmoo."

  Freddy Krueger : Schmoo's not here.

  [chuckles] 

  Beverly Goldberg : I... take it you work here.

  Freddy Krueger : Try again.

  Beverly Goldberg : Yeah, I don't have time for games. I lost my son.

  Freddy Krueger : Oooh. Bad mommy lost her little brat.

  Beverly Goldberg : I'm sorry. Who do you think you are?

  Freddy Krueger : Your worst nightmare.

• Beverly Goldberg : Gotta hide.

  [runs into a closet] 

  Beverly Goldberg : What the - my sweaters!

  Freddy Krueger : You got good taste, lady.

• Adam Goldberg : Okay, so, I narrowed it down to these 29 horror movies.

  Jackie Geary : I think all we need is one. "Nightmare on Elm Street."

  Adam Goldberg : Yeah, I'm not so sure. Something about Freddy Krueger creeps me out. It could be the face or the claws or the whole fall-asleep-and-you-die concept.

  Jackie Geary : Oh, don't worry. I'll protect you.

  Beverly Goldberg : No. That's my job! And you know my number one rule: No scary movies.

  Adam Goldberg : That's the thing, it's *not* scary. "Elm Street" is a very charming rom-com.

  Beverly Goldberg : "High school friends slaughtered in their sleep by the predatory monster of their shared nightmares"?

  Adam Goldberg : Gah! What's the worst that can happen?

  Beverly Goldberg : I don't know. Why don't you ask Joyce Dimarco's son Anthony. He didn't sleep for three years after watching "The Exorcist", so his body never grew. Well, now he's a 4'7" adult man who needs a special stool to use a sink!