- Marjorie Armstrong: AA is for people who have no control over alcohol, Al-Anon is for people who have no control over the alcohol*ic*.
- Tammy Diffendorf: Oh good, you two made up. Can she stay the night at your place then? Our apartment is full of ants and they are *biters*!
- Christy Plunkett: It's *our* apartment now?
- Jill Kendall: *That's* the part that worries you?
- Bonnie Plunkett: Where're you going?
- Adam Janikowski: To Al-Anon, I hope you're happy, I'm as broken as you.
- Earl: You're really marrying that guy?
- Bonnie Plunkett: I have to, you tattooed his name on my ass.
- Jill Kendall: [soaked in her $3200 outfit] Now I have to pee and Belinda's the only one who knows how to get me out of this disco ball!
- Christy Plunkett: Rich people are all soulless bastards!
- Tammy Diffendorf: And they should all rot in hell! Who're we talking about?
- Bonnie Plunkett: You're telling me that our apartment is completely full of ants?
- Tammy Diffendorf: Well I didn't check upstairs, but they were marching in that direction.
- Bonnie Plunkett: [a woman covered in tattoos is having a new one filled in] Hey Earl, why is that dragon flying next to a fried egg?
- Earl: Well 20 years ago that was the sun.
- Adam Janikowski: [Bonnie had a temporary sketch put on her back] Oh my God, it's your face?
- Bonnie Plunkett: Yeah, this way no matter what position we do it in, we're always making eye contact.
- Christy Plunkett: [trying to shirk her GA responsibilities] Couldn't I just get 'Don't gamble' tattooed on my arm?
- Betty: Doesn't work.