- Christy Plunkett: Why are you going through my purse?
- Bonnie Plunkett: I'm your mother.
- Christy Plunkett: What does that have to do with anything?
- Bonnie Plunkett: Easy, you came out of my pocketbook, so I get to rifle through yours.
- Tammy Diffendorf: [about her date] I'm real glad you insisted I dress up because he took me to Olive Garden! For seven years I've been watching those commercials from inside prison and let me tell you, they really undersell it!
- Christy Plunkett: Can I get $10 of gas on pump 1? Oh... actually, can you make it $5 of gas and a pack of lights?
- Al: The lights are $9.
- Christy Plunkett: Oh, really? Okay... $1 of gas on pump 1 and a pack of lights.
- Jill Kendall: That's the third time you've mentioned the possibility of being murdered. Where is this paranoia coming from, Wendy?
- Wendy Harris: From being a woman!
- Bonnie Plunkett: Are you smoking?
- Christy Plunkett: Why would you ask that?
- Bonnie Plunkett: Because you smell like mouth wash, air freshener, Purell, and a dryer sheet, it's like sitting next to a very clean motel room.